


"some consequence yet hanging in the stars"

by kimjaehwan



Series: "love looks not with the eyes but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind" [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, a character dies, all couples will get their own storyline sooner or later, all hail minhwan, because the minhwan tag is dry af, exes meet each other again au, jaehwan and jihoon are siblings, minhwan, minhwan is main, producer!jaehwan, tutor!minhyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2018-12-30 20:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12116286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimjaehwan/pseuds/kimjaehwan
Summary: Jihoon decided he just couldn't leave them like this. It was fate: two ex-lovers who never got over each other, meeting again as single, lonely (pathetic) men. He was certain the stars had aligned just for his hyungs to be together. Jihoon perked up as he spoke to the phone, “Jinyoung, this is definitely not a coincidence. They met again, didn't they? Let's get them get back together.”“You're a fucking genius, Park Jihoon."orwhy two exes broke up, and how they meet each other again(READ! TAGS! BEFORE! READING!)**was on a ten month hiatus**





	1. chapter one ♡

October 2017

 

Jaehwan probably wasn't supposed to be this calm.

  
“I’m failing some classes.” Jihoon groaned.  
“So?” was Jaehwan’s response. Jihoon blinked. The crinkled report card from his hand fluttered to the floor.

As Jihoon’s only guardian, Jaehwan felt as if he was supposed to react with more fervor, more anger, and more disappointment. But he merely shrugged whilst saying, “I did too.”

Jihoon’s mouth dropped. Jaehwan was sure Jihoon was an actual statue for two good minutes. “Shouldn't you be more concerned?” Watching Jihoon’s face fluster and fingers grab at the hems of his pink pajamas, Jaehwan cooed and ruffled the younger’s chocolate brown hair.

“I failed some of my classes too, back then.” He cackled, “I barely managed to pass my last year.”

Jihoon watched Jaehwan cuddle into the couch with messy hair and unchanged clothes from yesterday. The older was snuggling with a tub of mint ice cream as he watched _Produce 101 Season 1_ with eager interest. “It’s a true miracle that you managed to became a successful music producer.” Jihoon bitterly replied.

Jaehwan wiped some dribbles of ice cream with the sleeve of his sweater, “Do what I did, kid—“ Jaehwan stopped his thoughts to cheer wildly as Yeonjung hit the high note of the song. After he calmed down, the older smiled cheekily at the younger, “get a tutor.” _[just don't fall in love with them.]_

Jihoon sighed as he left the living room to go to his room, muttering something about a certain useless hyung.

— ♡ —

November 2017

  
When Jihoon’s physics teacher called to praise the kid’s “amazing progress in grades,” Jaehwan nearly dropped his phone in shock.

In the three years Jaehwan had taken care of Jihoon, the younger always managed to be the brightest and best in everything _except science and math_. Jihoon was a dancing genius and a talented musician (Jaehwan could tell the kid had incredible potential— he was a music producer after all). On top of all that, the kid could move tears as he wrote the most heartbreaking poem in the world. History? You could ask any random question about any point in history and Jihoon would freakishly know all the answers.

 _Physics_? Heck, even the smartest kids in his year had trouble with that class. Jaehwan needed to thank the magician that somehow managed to bless his baby with good grades.

Jaehwan worked at home, meaning that his studio was in his apartment (he was too lazy to get out of the house anyway). So he hurriedly finished producing a few songs and singing the demos before Jihoon came to school. When he heard keys rustle and Jihoon’s voice echo in the outside hallways, Jaehwan jumped at the chance to grill the younger for questions.

Two heads— a chocolate brown one and a raven black one —entered the apartment, laughing at whatever teenagers laughed at these days.

 _“Why are you doing well in school?”_ Jaehwan demanded, popping in front of them from behind them, scaring the shit out of the two boys.

“Fuc- hyung! Please don't scare me like that,” Jihoon dramatically grasped his chest.

Jaehwan ignored what Jihoon said, “I need to know _now_ , Park Jihoon.”

“Why are you mad that I’m doing _well_?”

“I’m not mad,” Jaehwan groaned as he rustled his own hair, “I just want to make sure it's really my Jihoon that's living with me. I need to check if you didn't take some magic grade-improving drug or some kind of education wine or—“

“Uh” the tall, raven haired boy spoke as he gave Jaehwan an awkward, gummy smile, “should I leave?”

“Stay, Guanlin.” Jihoon’s face turned pink as he said Guanlin’s name. _Oh_. Jaehwan thought. _His little baby has a big crush_.

“Hello Guanlin,” Jaehwan put on his best, friendliest smile. He reached his hand out to the taller youth, “is Jihoon doing any drugs?”

Guanlin’s eyes shifted as he looked for all possible exits, “uh—“

“Hyung,” Jihoon let out an exasperated sigh, “I’m not taking any drugs. I just did what you told me to do.”

“What did I tell you to do again?” All Jaehwan remembered was watching Yeonjung’s team win the concept evaluation in glorious fashion.

“I got a tutor.”  
_A tutor?_

He arched his eyebrows, “And you're paying this tutor how...?”  
“He said it was free! I’m friends with his brother and he said I was cute—“  
Alarms started to ring in Jaehwan’s head, “What if he eats cute children for lunch?”  
“ _Hyung!_ "

“Okay, okay,” Jaehwan laughed joyously at Jihoon’s embarrassment, “Start bringing him over so I could pay him. If it's late maybe I can make some dinner for him.”

Jihoon sighed; the embarrassment was over. “Guanlin, let's go.”

As Jaehwan watched the two teenagers walk to Jihoon’s room, he cackled, “Please have safe sex, kids!”

“ _Oh my fucking god, hyung!_ ”

— ♡ —

November 2017

 

Jihoon texted him that his tutor had accepted the invitations to do the sessions at their house. Jihoon also texted that the tutor had declined the money.

 _Well too fucking bad_. Jaehwan still sat on the couch with an envelope of money at hand. _He couldn't just let this tutor just walk away without re-payment._

The past few weeks, Jihoon had expressed his admiration for his tutor. He rambled on and on about how well the tutor taught as well how well the tutor treated him. Jaehwan was endlessly thankful for this mysterious tutor and his majestical ways. “He's your type, too.” Jihoon had winked to Jaehwan before he left for school. _My type_? Jaehwan now had even more respect for the tutor.

Just as the eliminations for _Produce 101 Season_ _1_ wrapped up, the doorbell rang. Jihoon screamed happy murder as he practically skipped to the door.

“You're here!” Jihoon beamed at the figure entering the door. Jaehwan rushed for the remote, turning it off (of course, _after_ watching the next episode’s promo) and then promptly got up to greet the newcomer.

“Hello! I just wanted to thank—“ Jaehwan's voice faltered. The man in front of him squeezed Jihoon’s cheek and slowly looked up.

The tutor gasped, now looking at him with the most familiar glint in his eyes, almond eyes widened in shock. Jaehwan rubbed his eyes, as if his eyes deceived him. The pair stayed frozen in time, shocked at each other's presence. It felt as if they were in a drama, cameras circling around this unimaginable situation.

The man spoke in a broken, slight whisper, “ _Hwannie_?” Jaehwan's heart squeezed in pain as he felt lost and helpless.

 

Jihoon’s tutor was Hwang. _Fucking_. Minhyun.

— ♡ —

December 2009

 

“Hwannie, look at what you did again.” Minhyun sighed, looking at the kitchen swamped with messes.

Jaehwan waved Minhyun away, “Calm down, calm down. I got this.”

“I don't think so,” Minhyun chuckled as he slithered his arms around Jaehwan’s torso, “I don't know anyone who's had this much trouble making hot chocolate.”

Jaehwan giggled, turning to kiss the other’s lips lightly, “The art of hot chocolate is very hard to master, hyung. Don't put down my efforts.”

But as Jaehwan turned, Minhyun lifted his arms to caress the younger’s face. As their lips met, Minhyun went in hard, deepening the kiss at first chance. Jaehwan’s hands started to roam Minhyun’s body hungrily, slipping under the shirt. Minhyun’s heart burst as he heard Jaehwan moan as he sucked on Jaehwan’s bottom lip. Jaehwan gripped on Minhyun’s hair, clearly enjoying the affection Minhyun was showering him with. Minhyun moved his lips to Jaehwan’s neck—

 

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

 

“Oh fuck,” Jaehwan whispered, “I forgot the chocolate was boiling.”  
Minhyun heartily laughed, “Jaehwan, please get your shit together.”

Although Jaehwan was a 24/7 mess™, Minhyun thought the other's clumsiness and fluster was incredibly adorable. Jaehwan was always the messy, unorganized fellow, to which Minhyun never imagined dating (as he was the complete opposite). But taking care of the younger made him feel a warm fuzzy feeling that Minhyun was _absolutely_ addicted to.

The younger grumbled curses, bolting to attend the smoke coming out of the pot, “This is all your fault.”

Minhyun smirked, “I don't get how you're managing your last school year without me.”

“Are you suddenly acting superior because you’re in big boy college now?” Jaehwan pouted, dropping dead to the floor after turning off the stove, “I’m barely managing in school without you, hyung.”

Minhyun cooed at Jaehwan’s pout, looking at the high schooler as if he wad the most precious gem in the world. He gently climbed on top of Jaehwan on the floor and lowered his head to whisper in a low tone, “Did you miss me?”  
Jaehwan brought his upper body forward, meeting his lips with Minhyun’s, “I missed you so” * _kiss_ * “so” * _kiss_ * “so” * _kiss_ * “much.” * _kiss_ *

Minhyun hummed in content, “I love you, Hwannie.”  
Jaehwan smiled the most brilliant smile in the world; he whispered in the older’s ear, “I love you even more.”

 

 

“And hyung?”  
“Yes Jaehwan?”

“I’m failing physics.”

“...”  
“Hyung?”

“...”  
“...”  
“... Oh for _fuck’s sake_ , Kim Jaehwan.”

— ♡ —

November 2017

 

God must've hated Jaehwan. Why? Because of all people, his ex was Jihoon’s tutor.

He hated to break Jihoon’s excitement and adoration for Minhyun, but Jaehwan was ready to kick the newcomer out and wave a permanent goodbye. He was sorry to the younger boy, but he couldn't handle seeing his ex in his apartment. Well, _this particular ex._

Because Minhyun wasn't just an ex. He was Jaehwan’s first love. He was Jaehwan’s lover for six years. He remembered all the broken promises, the ways they embraced each other, the whispers of love they spoke as they held hands with a tight grip. He remembered all of their memories and the pain, ache, hurt that came with them. He remembered it _all_.

 _Hwannie_. God, it had been five years since he heard that word. _Hwannie_.

“You know each other?” Jihoon interrupted Jaehwan’s thoughts with a puzzled expression.

“Kid, go to your room.” Jaehwan couldn't break the eye contact with Minhyun.

“I’m not a k—“

“ _Jihoon_.” Jaehwan growled. Jihoon eyes widened. _Jaehwan never got angry_.

With a sympathetic look to Minhyun, Jihoon fled to his room for safety.

“Hwannie—“ Minhyun started, walking towards the younger.  
Jaehwan stepped further back, cutting the older off, “Hwang Minhyun, we need to talk.”

— ♡ —

“Jinyoung,” Jihoon yelped as soon as the smol faced boy answered the phone, “Does your hyung know my hyung?”

“Um,” Jinyoung stuttered, clearly surprised at the aggressive phone call, “Hello to you too?”

“Dude, answer me now. I think my hyung is going to rip your hyung into pieces. We have to save Minhyun hyung or else I’m going to fail physics.”

There's a long pause in Jinyoung’s side. It didn't help Jihoon’s panicking heart from going in nervous circles. Finally Jinyoung spoke, “You're joking right?”

“ _Jinyoung! This is serious_!”

“Alright, alright.” He could hear the other roll his eyes through the phone, “but I don't know how to help you. How am I supposed to know who your hyung is if I only know that his last name is Park? Do you know how many Parks are in Korea, Jihoon—“

“My hyung’s last name isn't Park though.” Jihoon frowned, hesitant on saying those words, hoping it wouldn't lead to the ‘you were adopted?’ discussion. “My hyung’s last name is Kim. Kim Jaehwan.”

A pause.

“ _Jaehwan hyung_?!”

Jinyoung screeched though the phone, “ _HowthefuckisheyourbrotherfuckJihoonfuckthisissobad_ —“

“You dipshit,” Jihoon hissed at his speaker, “calm down, I can't hear what you're saying.”

Jihoon could hear literal ragged breaths through the phone. Was Jaehwan hyung and Minhyun hyung’s relationship that bad? What kind of relationship did they even have? Jaehwan hyung never mentioned Minhyun before... Jihoon could only scratch his head in confusion. He flopped onto his bed and tapped at the sheets in angst.

As soon as Jinyoung recovered, he gasped into the phone, “Jaehwan hyung and Minhyun hyung were dating. Not just any kind of couple... they were serious. Serious enough that they bought an apartment together and Minhyun hyung was even planning on proposing...”

“What happened to them?”

“I don't know why they fought, but I remember them having this huge fight. Everyone thought that they would recover— even I did; because they had been dating for six years and they were pretty chill and forgiving of each other but...”

“But what?”

“They never recovered. Jaehwan hyung packed all his stuff one day and just left. Minhyun hyung was so devastated that day, I've never seen him cry so much in my whole life. After the breakup, he's become a workaholic nun,, I swear I’ve never seen him on a date since then.” Jinyoung’s voice turned sad, Jihoon could hear the younger’s voice crack,

“They were so happy...”

Jihoon himself was speechless. His tutor and hyung had this heart wrenching history? He loved both of them a lot... Both of his hyungs were precious human beings who deserved to be loved.  
From what Jihoon knew, Jaehwan hyung was always alone. Sure, he had friends, but he mostly stayed at home while Jihoon was at school. Constantly strumming his guitar and blabbing about being “married to the music” crap, it was kind of getting pathetic how Jaehwan’s life led to minimal human contact, save for the singers that sang his songs and Jihoon himself.

Jihoon decided he just couldn't leave them like this. It was fate: two ex-lovers who never got over each other, meeting again as single, lonely (pathetic) men. He was certain the stars had aligned just for his hyungs to be together. Jihoon perked up as he spoke to the phone, “Jinyoung, this is definitely not a coincidence. They met again, didn't they? Let's get them get back together.”

“You're a fucking genius, Park Jihoon.”

“Shit, I should've taped that.” Jihoon smirked as he mentally patted himself on the back. “Jinyoung, we’ll get the whole crew. Woojin and _Daehwi_ ” Jihoon laughed evilly as he said the last name in a teasing way, knowing that Jinyoung had a wittle crush on the boy.

“... I’m inviting Guanlin too, then.”

“For fucks sake, Jinyoung. What the heck?”

“Park Jihoon, it's an eye for an eye. Anyways, what should we call this mission?”

“I know the perfect name,” Jihoon grinned, plans formulating in his head in a thousand miles per second.

 

 

 

 

  
“ _Operation Minhwan_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo, beautiful people! so i used to be a shy smol account but ever since i noticed how fucking dry the minhwan tag was, i created a new account for jaehwan and minhwan. so age clarification: jaehwan is 25, minhyun is 26, jihoon is 17, guanlin is 15, jinyoung is 16.
> 
> i won't update daily but i'll try to update weekly at best! commenting down below would really help as motivation :3 this is my first fic so i was quite nervous! please give me some love, beautifuls ♡


	2. chapter two ♡

November 2006

 

At first, Hwang Minhyun thought Kim Jaehwan was a complete fucking idiot. The first year could barely walk without screwing up something in his path, quite literally and figuratively. The moment Jaehwan asked why the square root of nine was three, Minhyun wanted to punch himself repeatedly for even agreeing to tutor the boy.

But watching Jaehwan sing on the stage of the school’s annual autumn dance, the older boy completely forgot how clumsy and idiotic the other was. Watching him strum his guitar and play with the crowd, Minhyun couldn't help but be in awe of how... _amazing_ Jaehwan was. You couldn't tell it was the Jaehwan he knew: the Jaehwan that always forgot his textbooks in the oddest of places, the Jaehwan that tripped over the flat floor, the Jaehwan that he had been tutoring everyday for about two months now, because of how fucking terrible he was at academics. _This_ Jaehwan was so graceful, pretty and had Minhyun under his hypnotic spell of melodies and music notes.

This didn't make Jaehwan any less of a dumbass, it just made him a very... beautiful, stunning, and adorable dumbass.

(...)

Fuck, Minhyun was falling for the younger _quick_.

Jaehwan was always cute in Minhyun’s eyes, but after spending more and more time with him, he found himself wanting to pinch the other’s cheeks and plant kisses on his plump lips. Yes, Minhyun was in _deep_. But Minhyun knew pursuing the other was the wrong thing to do. Besides, he was the school president, captain of the basketball team, and the number one weapon of the math team. He was far too busy and Jaehwan was, too. He wasn't even sure if Jaehwan was gay, or if he was comfortable dating a _boy_. Minhyun’s parents sure wasn't and that was another problem.

But in the back of his mind, Minhyun kept pining. Even if Jaehwan was an _dolt_ , he wanted to care for him and hold him. Watching Jaehwan sing and dance, Minhyun wanted to go up on the stage and make out with the younger until their lips were pink and raw. _But he couldn't_.

Watching Jaehwan wrap up his performance with a big bow, he shot up with the rest of the students in a standing ovation. He could see Jaehwan explode in huge smiles and Minhyun felt his heart flip.

Jaehwan looked in his direction and Minhyun tried to pull a calm face as his lips threatened to spill love confessions and break into loving smiles. “You did so well,” Minhyun mouthed. His heart was at near heart attack when Jaehwan’s wide smile somehow grew into an even wider puppy smile. He could see the younger’s shaggy black head of hair make his way towards Minhyun.

Aron, who was watching them next to Minhyun, groaned while smacking Minhyun in the back. _Hard_. “You guys are so hopeless.”

“Leave them alone,” Minki snorted, going through his fifth slice of cake, “I learned to not care anymore for my well being and sanity.”

“Shut up,” Minhyun hissed while rubbing the sore spot that Aron inflicted upon him, “he's coming this way.” The whole table (none of them really felt like going to the dance floor) except for Jonghyun, who threw him two big thumbs up, rolled their eyes and continued the chatter amongst themselves.

“Hyung!” Jaehwan practically bounced as he walked towards him. _Jaehwan is so fucking adorable._

“Did I do well hyung?” Jaehwan was barely a feet away from him now. Minhyun could see sweat rolling down the side of his chin and his eyes still shining from the excitement of his performance. _Crap, I want to tell him he did amazing and shower him with kisses._

“You did amazing,” Minhyun pinched the other’s nose, “If only you could do just as well in math.”

When the younger responded with a whine and a cling to Minhyun’s arm, the older visibly gulped. Jaehwan snorted while sitting down next to Minhyun, _putting his head on his shoulders and his arms around his back_ , “The only math equation I know is that Kim Jaehwan minus Hwang Minhyun is nothing.”

  
H  
o  
l  
y

s  
h  
i  
t,

_that was so fucking adorable._

 

 

In that moment, something in Minhyun _snapped_.

 

Apparently cheesy math equations were his kink.

He _needed_ Jaehwan _now_.

 

“Kim Jaehwan,” Minhyun got up from his seat, careful he didn't break Jaehwan’s neck on the way up, “follow me.” He started to walk at an extra fast pace. He heard Minki howl and whistle in the background, but he didn't care. _He just needed Jaehwan_.

A puzzled Jaehwan quickly tried to catch up. “Hyung? Wh—“ He didn't finish his sentence.

Why?

A certain Hwang Minhyun had interrupted him as soon as they reached the empty classroom, hungrily diving in for a kiss.

He could feel the younger gasp as Minhyun tasted his lips and pushed him into the wall, lazily closing the door on the way in.

For a few seconds, there was no response. Minhyun was getting worried. But as soon as he tried to break the kiss, Jaehwan wrapped his arms around Minhyun, pulling him in for more. Minhyun gripped Jaehwan’s shaggy hair as Jaehwan caressed Minhyun’s cheeks. Right then and there, Minhyun decided that he was wrong about everything. _Fuck the homophobes, fuck his busy schedule, fuck all the excuses. Jaehwan was **his**._

“Took you long enough,” Jaehwan panted as they broke for air, “and you call _me_ the idiot.”

“Oh?” Minhyun mused as he held onto the younger, who was pressed against the wall for support.

Jaehwan chuckled as he pulled Minhyun’s necktie towards him, effectively pulling Minhyun’s body even closer to him. “Come here.”

This time the kiss went deeper and Minhyun explored the younger’s mouth with eager. _Jaehwan was his. Jaehwan was his. Jaehwan was his._

 

 

 

[[ The next day, they announced that they were dating. Minhyun could see Jaehwan’s friend, Ong Seongwoo groan as he handed a grinning Dongho a pile of cash, muttering, “Fuck, if they only waited after the dance...” ]]

— ♡ —

November 2017

 

“Hwang Minhyun, we need to talk.”

“Hwannie, just lis—“

“ _Don't_ call me that.”

Minhyun could only comply, watching the other with sad eyes.

“Jihoon really likes you,” Jaehwan avoided Minhyun’s eyes, his voice croaked, “So please continue to be his tutor.”

“But what about you?” Minhyun smiled sadly, “I can't just stay if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“It makes me more uncomfortable thinking Jihoon is going to be held a year back.” Jaehwan shrugged, still avoiding Minhyun’s eyes as he picked at a loose thread on his shirt.

“Alright,” Minhyun nodded. They both stood awardly as silence engulfed them. _Kill me now_ , Jaehwan thought.

“Uh,” Minhyun made an attempt to smile, “How have you been for the past five years?”

“Good.” Jaehwan said plainly. He sucked in a painful breath as he lifted his eyes to stare directly at Minhyun. “Look, I don't want our past to ruin what you have with Jihoon. He adores you and I don't want him to be upset at your disappearance.”

Jaehwan continued, “But I can't do this. I don't want to talk to you ever again, I don't want to see you again, and I don’t want to see you more than I have to.” Jaehwan felt his eyes sting and his hands clam up underneath him. “I’m sorry, Hwang Minhyun.”

Minhyun’s throat seemed to burn and his chest felt this incredible sadness that he had only ever felt once before, when they broke up. “Of course, Kim Jaehwan. Best luck and wishes to you and your future endeavors.”

“Jihoon’s room is to the left.” Jaehwan quickly pointed to Jihoon’s door before he ran off to his own room, hot tears threatening to trickle on his round cheek.

_Jaehwan knew that he didn't want to see Minhyun not because he was mad at the older, but he was afraid he'd fall in love all over again._

— ♡ —

January 2007

  
“I’m sick of seeing all my friends sucking each other’s faces every where I go,” Seongwoo scowled. “It makes me feel disgusted, you fucking barbarians.”

Currently, Seongwoo was sprawled all over Jaehwan’s bed while Sungwoon sat on Jisung’s lap on the floor. Daniel was sitting on Jaehwan’s desk and Jaehwan himself, was squished on his _own goddamn bed_ because of Seongwoo’s long limbs taking up all the space.

“And it hasn't been that long since New Years,” Seongwoo continued to whine, “Why do I have to study for exams when I should be in the Bahamas somewhere chilling with coconut drinks and hot chicks.”

“But you're gay.” Jisung frowned, for once breaking his cannodling session with Sungwoon on the floor.

“That doesn't mean I can't appreciate hot chicks and coconut drinks.” Seongwoo shot back.

Daniel, who had been listening silently with a frown (which was odd, as the boy was talkative as fuck), piped up, “You don't need those chicks when you have me.” Daniel quickly added in seconds later, “I mean, you have _us_.”

Jaehwan groaned. Being best friends with Jisung, Sungwoon, Seongwoo, and Daniel was great at times, but mostly, it sucked. Jaehwan was a literal fifth wheel to the circle of friends, and it was _Jaehwan_ who had to listen to idiotic, romantic bickers like these. It was obvious that Seongwoo and Daniel clearly liked each other, yet the two insisted on playing games that eventually just went in circles, playing Russian Roulette for who would finally ask the other out.

“Kang Daniel, if you want to come to the Bahamas with me, you better not bring a lot of shirts with you, alright. Everything is better shirtless,” Seongwoo wiggled his eyebrows and howled in pain when Sungwoon chucked his pencil at Seongwoo’s head.

_Oh god, Sometimes Jaehwan wished Minhyun was in their circle of friends, too._ Jaehwan watched Daniel blush beet red as the muscular guy tried to hide his face behind his box of jellies _. Then he could make them feel what he felt when they went all mushy on Jaehwan._

“I hope the two of you can just get together so I don't have to listen to these nasty pick-up lines anymore,” Jaehwan groaned.

  
“We don't like each other!” Daniel and Seongwoo cried out.

  
The other three boys could only shake their heads, not believing a word.

— ♡ —

November 2017

 

  
“Jihoon?” Minhyun knocked on the seventeen year old’s door. “We have to start our session now.”

“Ah—“ Jihoon’s head popped through the door, “My room is, uh, messy. Can we do it in the living room instead? I just need to change... I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Sure Jihoon.” With that, Minhyun was left alone, in his ex’s house.

The feelings Minhyun were feeling were unexplainable. When he first saw Hwannie, no, Jaehwan, again, his eyes almost teared up and his body shook with feeling. He didn't know what he particularly felt— guilt, sadness, happiness, anger —perhaps it was a weird concoction of them all. All Minhyun knew was that he had missed the younger a lot and that the younger did not reciprocate those feelings to him.

The six years with Jaehwan were a rollercoaster; however, the most incredible ride he had ever been on. The hardest times, the happiest times— he had spent them all with Jaehwan. With one argument, those six years of moments just disappeared, as if they never happened.

But Minhyun knew what he felt. He couldn't just leave those six years behind, not when they created who Minhyun was as a person. Without Jaehwan, Minhyun wasn't sure he would be where he was today, or if he would still be here at all.

Five years without Jaehwan was _devastating_. But Minhyun wasn't sure if having the other around now was a good idea either. Listening to Jaehwan talk about how much he despised Minhyun made him feel like he was _hell_.

However, it made him feel happy to know how well off the boy looked. He was happy to see Jaehwan had achieved his dreams that the younger had worked so hard for before. As Minhyun made his way towards the living room, he could see remnants of the five years Jaehwan had spent without him. Newspaper clippings of Jaehwan’s songs hitting number one on the charts, pictures of Jaehwan and Jihoon hugging each other in bright laughter, and he even saw pictures of Jaehwan and his high school friends.

_They must've stayed in touch_ , Minhyun mused.

“Minhyun hyung?” A voice behind him said. “What are you— oh, you're just looking at our pictures.

“I hope I’m not intruding on your privacy,” Minhyun said, although he kept staring at the photos.

“Oh, it's more than fine.” Jihoon smirked, “Please take your time” _staring at my hyung’s pictures because you missed him a lot._

“If you don't mind me asking,” Minhyun lingered on a picture of Jaehwan and Jihoon, “how are you guys brothers? I thought Jaehwan was an only child.”

“It's okay if you don't want to answer.” Minhyun hurriedly added, sensing Jihoon’s uncomfortableness.

“Ah no, it's fine.” Jihoon muttered, biting his lip. _Might as well get it over with if Minhyun’s going to be Jaehwan’s future husband._ “My brother died in a violent assault. Jaehwan adopted me when the only remaining family I had died of old age in 2014 _.”_

“See?” Jihoon pointed at a certain picture on the wall, “My brother is right there.”

Minhyun’s almond eyes widened in shock.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Jihoon was pointing to Kang Daniel._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo again! so i wrote this in a day and i don't think it's my best,, next time i promise for a better chapter because i'll be writing and revising in the spread of a few days. please comment, it keeps me motivated! i'm sorry again for the bad chapter,, i promise it will get real angsty soon
> 
> please kudos subscribe comment and give love!


	3. chapter three ♡

December 2002

 

Before there was an ongnielhwansungwoon, there was an ongnielhwan ~~until those bastards kicked him out and became an annoying couple.~~

They were _inseparable_. Although Seongwoo was a year older than Jaehwan and Daniel, he always made sure to sit with them during lunch time, play with them during recess, and cheer them up when they were feeling sad or lonely.

Because they were best friends, and best friends did everything together.

Everyday, they would walk hand in hand to one of their houses and play until the sun was gone, laughing and crying together. They would spend hours staying in each other’s presence, until they were forced by their parents to seperate for bed.

Their favorite game was hide and go seek. Daniel was terrible at the game though, because everytime he tried to hide, he would giggle loudly until Jaehwan or Seongwoo found him. They would run around, doing a wild search under every table, couch, and in every closet. When they found each other they would burst out in melodic laughter, laughing until their stomachs hurt and sweat rolled down their sides.

Today, Jaehwan didn't feel like playing hide and go seek. He was feeling something foreign in his chest, like a fist was twisting his heart around and squeezing it until he couldn't breathe.

Jaehwan didn't know what he was feeling, but he definitely did not like it.

“Jaehwannie? I found you!” Daniel giggled as he jumped in enthusiasm. “I already found Ong but he wouldn't tell me where you were.”

“Because I’m a good friend.” Seongwoo huffed.

The two laughed. Jaehwan wanted to laugh with them too, but something was stopping him. A monster was holding down the sides of his lips and pounding at his chest. _He just wanted it to go away._

Noticing Jaehwan’s gloomy aura, Seongwoo stopped immediately. “Jaehwan? What's wrong?”

Daniel stopped as soon as Seongwoo spoke. He looked on Jaehwan with a frown, “Why are you sad? Who did this?”

Jaehwan let out a fake cackle, “It's nothing. Daniel won so let's play another round.”

Seongwoo gave him a stern look, “Jaehwan, we’re not playing until you tell us what's wrong.”

Jaehwan closed his eyes, afraid that tears would form. “I-I,” he let out a shaky breath, “There's something wrong with me.”

“Jaehwannie,” Daniel sat down next to him, enveloping the now crying boy with a hug, “There's nothing wrong with you. You're perfect in and out.”

Seongwoo muttered, “ _Except when he's trying to clean his room_.” Daniel glared. “I’m joking,” Seongwoo sat on Jaehwan’s other side. The crying boy was now wrapped in two pairs of arms. “I don't know why you would think that. Honestly, I’m not best friends with just anyone.” He said haughtily, “I have standards and you meet them, Kim Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan did a weird snort-cry as he wiped his tears, “What kind of encouragement is that?”

“Tell us what's wrong,” Daniel’s arms were even tighter, “Please, tell us what's wrong.”

Jaehwan could only cry. _What did he do to deserve such good friends like these_? The three boys embraced each other; Daniel wiped his tears as Seongwoo looked on with worry.

“I-I” Jaehwan hiccuped, “I like a _boy_.”

Silence ensued and Jaehwan was worried. _Had he just messed up? Will the two now hate him now?_

“So?” Seongwoo snickered, “That's what you were worried about? That doesn't change what I think about you. I love you and that means I accept every part of you.”

“Yeah,” Daniel grinned, “Jaehwannie, you're still my best friend, whether you like a girl or not. _Who you like does not define you, it's just a part of you.”_

“It's just,” Jaehwan was now sobbing, gripping into the boys’ arms, salty tears wetting the fabrics of the four arms wrapped around him, “people keep telling me I have to like a girl and I overheard someone say that a boy liking a boy is weird—“

“Who cares?” Daniel interrupted.

Seongwoo smirked, “ _The only people you should care about are the ones who love you._ ”

Jaehwan whimpered, fascinated at how lucky he was to have these two as his best friends. Daniel started crying too and soon enough, the three boys were bawling together, hugging each other tight as they lay on the floor for hours.

_This friendship is forever. Ongnielhwan will always be together, even in death._

 

 

 

  
[[ Jaehwan honestly didn't know why he was so worried to come out to his two closest friends. After all, they would go gay for each other anyways. ]]

— ♡ —

December 2017

 

Jihoon was really frustrated.

 

  
“Operation Minhwan” (or as Jinyoung liked to call it, “ _Operation Dumbasses_ ”) wasn't exactly working so well. It was as if his two hyungs were oil and water; they managed to avoid any possible situation he and his friends could place them in.

Jihoon’s idea of “accidentally” locking them in a room didn't work, as the two refused to even be in the same room together. Jinyoung’s idea of forcing them to sit and talk messed up because they were weak little shits who could barely carry Jaehwan’s lazy ass across a room. Woojin’s idea of kidnapping them and— well, they didn't do that because they didn't want to go to jail, for _fuck’s sake._

“Maybe it really isn't fate,” Daehwi pouted. Jihoon almost choked when he saw Jinyoung make goo goo eyes at the younger.

“We can't give up!” Guanlin threw his hands up as he threw them his adorable gummy smile.

 _Guanlin is so cute_. Jihoon nodded enthusiastically at the tall younger. He could hear Jinyoung and Woojin gag silently next to him.

Jihoon glared at them, “As Guanlin so wonderfully put it,” He not so casually patted Guanlin’s thigh with his hand, “we can't give up now.” He pointed to a wall in his room, “If I hear Jaehwan hyung sing slow skyfall _one more time_ , I think I might actually murder someone.”

“Well what do we do then?” Jinyoung asked, crossing his arms, “They're both persistent in not seeing each other.”

“I still think kidnapping is a wonderful option to explore—“ _“What the heck Woojin” “Shut the fuck up dweeb” “Oh my god not again” “I'm too beautiful for jail.”_

Woojin raised his hands in an ‘I surrender’ motion, “Tough crowd.”

“Look,” Jihoon said, “Operation Minhwan—“

“Also known as Operation Dumbasses,” Jinyoung piped in.

Jihoon flicked Jinyoung’s forehead, “Operation _Minhwan_ has to be a success. Me and Jinyoung’s lives depend on it.”

Jihoon was not being dramatic as hell. He meant it: Jinyoung and Jihoon were tired of watching their pitiful brothers hole up in their room like pathetic bears in 24/7 hibernation. Most of all, Jihoon was so fucking tired of Jaehwan bothering him whenever the older was lonely. No, he did _not_ want to watch Produce 101 Season 1 with him when he had a ten paged essay due the next day. No, he did _not_ want to bake a cake with him; did he want to die from oven fire and cake poisoning?

“Can we take a break from thinking though?” Woojin yawned, “All this thinking makes me sleepy—“

“Kids!” A familiar voice cackled a few feet from Jihoon’s door, in the hall.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jinyoung hissed, “ _Everybody pretend to study_.” The five teenagers hustled for their backpacks, rapidly taking out their school materials.

When Jaehwan’s head popped in, all the boys were frantically pretending to write something in whatever book they managed to grab.

“Kids,” Jaehwan sighed, “When you said you'd be here to study, I knew you guys weren't going to actually study.” He pointedly looked at the book Guanlin was holding, “It literally says ‘Lee Daehwi’ on the cover.” Daehwi let out a smol, panicked yelp as he snatched his book from Guanlin’s hands.

Jihoon cleared his throat, trying to shake off his embarrassment, “T-then why are you here hyung?”

“Ah,” Jaehwan let himself fully into Jihoon’s room, “If you kids are going home, you guys should go now.”

“There's a snow storm coming our way and you might not be able to go home.” Jaehwan looked out the window, which was currently glazed over with intricate patterns of frost and light snowflakes, “Looks like the roads will be blocked in a few hours.”

After a chorus of _okays_ and a “ _alright, now get the fuck out hyung_ ,” Jaehwan left in a huff.

“Sleepover?” Jihoon lazily asked as Jaehwan closed the door.

“Sure,” Woojin shrugged and another round of _okays_ flooded the room.

All of a sudden, Jinyoung perked up, “Wait a minute,” Jinyoung’s eyes were lit up, “I have an idea.”

— ♡ —

June 2010

 

As much as Minhyun pretended he was okay with public affection, Jaehwan could tell he wasn't. The older tended to be more affectionate when it was just the two of them, but a small peck on the cheek in front of an annoying waitress? Impossible.

That’s why Jaehwan was shocked to see Minhyun link arms with Seongwoo, whispering into each other’s ears. Daniel, who was next to him, pouted, “Jaehwan, get your boyfriend off of my boyfriend.”

“My boyfriend?” Jaehwan’s glare was burning a hole at the two linked arms, “Get _your_ boyfriend off of _my_ boyfriend.” Minhyun and Seongwoo laughed at some joke Seongwoo made, their bodies leaned on one another as they giggled. Jaehwan and Daniel glared harder at their boyfriends.

“You guys are pathetic.” Jisung rolled his eyes behind them. “Can't two friends just hang out with each other?”

“ _No_!” The two green eyed monsters turned around to give their hyung muderous looks.

“Sungwoon,” Jisung threw his body unto Sungwoon, grasping the younger who merely looked bored and done, “I’m scared.”

Sungwoon yawned, “Guys, can we do something that's _not_ creepily stalking your boyfriends? I could be watching Game of Thrones with Taehyun right now.” He sipped on his macchiato lazily.

They were currently in a cafe, hiding at a table that just _coincidentally_ happened to be near Minhyun and Seongwoo’s table.

It all started when Daniel and Jaehwan noticed their boyfriends starting to hang out with each other more. First, they had started to message each other, which Jaehwan scratched off as friendly texting. Then, they had started to meet up with each other more. It was fine until the _whispering_ and _wariness_ started to happen.

Daniel ignored Sungwoon, turning back to stare at the suspicious couple, “I’m going to murder Seongwoo when he comes home.”

— ♡ —

Those two bitches made him worry even as Jaehwan graduated.

Jaehwan was dressed in his uniform, hands pressed together as he looked back from his seat in the front. Seongwoo and Minhyun were sitting behind them in the audience section, giggling together.

“ _Still_?” Daniel whispered incredulously next to him. Looking dashing as ever in his school uniform, _“Why are they doing this right in front of us? Our graduation, no less?”_

“They wouldn't cheat on us,” Jaehwan whispered back nervously, “Right?”

“I hope not.” Daniel narrowed his eyes at the pair, “They better separate by a mile when I look at them again.”

“Shhh, it's starting.” Ms. Kahi clapped her hands together excitedly next to them, “You're finally graduating!”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jaehwan bitterly replied, his eyes never leaving Minhyun and Seongwoo. “I’m _so_ excited.”

Ms. Kahi gave him a pointed look as he turned around to face the front. Ms. Boa, who was on the stage, smiled. “Congratulations! Class of 2010...”

He couldn't help, though, but worry about Minhyun and Seongwoo the whole entire time. He made a quick glance at the two. Minhyun, who was now looking at him, beamed at him. Minhyun mouthed something at him, Jaehwan couldn't really decipher what it said, and he threw a big heart.

Jaehwan threw a kiss at his way, comfort seeping through his heart once again. _Minhyun loved him. Minhyun loved him. Minhyun loved him?_

— ♡ —

“Let's celebrate!” Jisung smiled proudly, taking out his camera and snapping photos of the two who had just graduated. “My babies, I’m so proud of you!”

“Uh-huh.” Jaehwan replied, his head was barely visible as he was buried with flowers.

“Jaehwan! Smile!” His mom (not Jisung) cackled (yes, the cackle runs in the family).

Jaehwan could only pose with a sour grin.

“Let's go to my house!” Sungwoon screamed. Jaehwan was mildly concerned about his health. He was waving around banners and breaking out in dances at random times.

“Uh,” Minhyun, whose arms were wrapped around Jaehwan’s at the time, dropped his arms and nervously stated, “I don't think I can go.”

Seongwoo let out a shaky laugh, “Yeah, I have to go too.” He kissed Daniel’s cheek, “I’m sorry babe!”

And with that, the two bastards rushed off to the _same_ car.

“Those bitches,” Daniel murderously stared at the car, “I’m going to slaughter a certain Ong Seongwoo for dinner.”

— ♡ —

As Jaehwan sat in Jisung’s car, on the way to Sungwoon’s, he was in a quite dangerous mood. Half of him wanted to go kill Hwang Minhyun, the other half wanted to go sob in the corner.

Noticing the gloomy mood, Jisung and Sungwoon, who were in the front of the car, decided not to say anything, rolling their eyes at the two graduates.

“We’re here,” Sungwoon called out, grinning like a maniac (Jaehwan was positive that this guy was drunk or high, maybe both).

Daniel muttered, “ _yay_.”

They trudged after Jisung and Sungwoon, aura as blue as ever. Seongwoo and Minhyun ditched us. We just got dumped. Daniel and Jaehwan walked in silence, dragging their feet. The mood was quite contrary to the actual event.

Jisung punched in the passcode and with a small beep, the door to Sungwoon’s apartment opened...

 

 

 

 

 

“SURPRISE BITCHES! HAPPY GRADUATION!”

Jaehwan blinked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_What the fuck?_

A horde of people were throwing confetti around and balloons dotted the ceiling. There were 'CONGRATS GRAD' signs everywhere on the wall, the smell of cake wafted in the air.

Minhyun and Seongwoo were in the front, holding posters and smiles as they bounced up to Daniel and Jaehwan. 

“This took us so long to plan,” Seongwoo whined, clinging onto a stunned Daniel.

“That's because one of us,” Minhyun glared at Seongwoo, “kept screwing up all our plans.

Seongwoo rolled his eyes. “Tell your boyfriend to calm down a notch.” He whispered into Jaehwan's ears.

Jisung clenched his heart dramatically, "The one who suffered was _me_." He stared pointedly at Daniel and Jaehwan, "I had to babysit these two from finding out—"

"YOU KNEW?!" Jaehwan gasped, "Why didn't you say anything? I was a literal sobbing mess."

"Oh please," Sungwoon stuck out his tongue, "You're always a mess."

Before Jaehwan could attack Sungwoon, Minhyun grasped Jaehwan’s hand. “C’mon,” Minhyun kissed his forehead with a smile, “Let’s go somewhere more quiet.”

Jaehwan could only nod, still stunned as he was being (quite literally) whisked away. “Hyung,” His eyes were shiny with pure joy, “I love you.”

Minhyun smiled, his almond eyes turned into happy crescent moons as he laughed so beautifully, “I love me too.”

Jaehwan smacked him in the shoulder, rolling his eyes, “Loser. You had me worried you were cheating on me with my best friend so I was about to go all angry grandma on you—“

“Well, Seongwoo _is_ handsome, maybe I should—“

“Fuck you, I’m going to cheat on you with Daniel.”

Minhyun chuckled as he pulled Jaehwan in for a kiss. It started off slow and light like a hypnotic intoxication, until Jaehwan went in, tongue at full force. Jaehwan grasped at the other’s hair as Minhyun held onto his waist tight. They stayed like that for minutes, roaming each other until they broke for breath.

“Can Seongwoo do that?” Jaehwan jokingly whispered as he and Minhyun had their foreheads pushed together, staring at each other with loving eyes and stupid grins.

Minhyun pecked his lips, “You're so amazingly petty.”

“You love it though,” Jaehwan giggled.

“Yes, I love it,” Minhyun grinned brightly, “I love all of you, from the moon to the stars.”

 

 

 

 

_“Besides, look at ongniel desperately making out over there. Daniel would kill me if I made a move on Seongwoo.”_

_“Shut the fuck up, hyung. You better only look at me.”_

_“How could I not? You shine brighter than any star in the sky.”_

— ♡ —

December 2017

“Uh, h-hi.” Minhyun smiled awkwardly, he waved to Jaehwan as the boy opened the door, “I-I’m here to pick-k up Jinyoung.”

Horrified, Jaehwan couldn't help but blurt, “ _What the fuck_?”

The picture in front of him, ex or not, would horrify anyone. Minhyun was shivering in his doorway, wearing only a thin jacket and a sweater. His pink hands were rubbing together for warmth and his legs shook from the cold, his nose was runny and red.

Minhyun shook off a pile of snow off from his head, “I-I know, it's pretty chilly out t-there.”

“My fucking god, _chilly? There's a freaking blizzard out there_.” Jaehwan scrunched his brows in worry. _There were literal icicles coming out of Minhyun’s clothes_. “When I told Jinyoung to pick you up, I never told him to make you pick him up four hours later. How did you get here?” Jaehwan yelped as he pushed Minhyun into his apartment, ripping off his clothes and throwing a towel on top of the older.

“I walked? The university I work at isn't that far—“ Minhyun stopped to sneeze, snuggling into the towel, “It took me a while because of all that snow, though.”

“I—“ Jaehwan sighed in exasperation, he pitched his nose bridge in sarcastic amazement.

Minhyun was the exact same as before. Incredibly academic, acing all subjects from math to art with gold medals and fantastic grades, but so fucking dumb when it came to functioning as a human. Cleaning, Minhyun was good at (Jaehwan would know from personal experience), but _god damn_ how could a person be so idiotic to walk in a cold blizzard without even a thick jacket and a scarf?

“Come here.” Jaehwan ruffled Minhyun’s soggy hair with the towel, “You fucking dumbass.”

Minhyun could only let out a small laugh of embarrassment, “I’m sorry to bother you. I’ll leave now—“

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Jaehwan wanted to smack the other boy hard, “You can't leave in this weather, the door to my apartment building is snowed in at this point.”

“Are you sure? Maybe I can shovel my way out or something...”

 _God, he was dumb as ever_ , Jaehwan narrowed his eyes. “You're staying. This has nothing to do about our past.” He could hear small cheers come from a certain group of boys who had snuck up on them who-knows-when.

“And _you_ ,” Jaehwan glared at the teenagers hard, “Go back to your fucking room.” Daehwi let out a small eep and the kids scurried off. Guanlin even tripped over his tall legs only to have Jihoon rush over to help.

Minhyun rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “Where can I stay?”

“Jihoon’s room is full” Jaehwan said as he continued to glare at the backs of the little _brats_ , “You'll be a practical icicle if you stay in the living room so I guess you're staying in my room.”

Minhyun gulped, “Y-your room?”

Jaehwan arched his eyebrow, “Well, do you want to fucking freeze your ass off?”

— ♡ —

Jaehwan’s room was just as Minhyun expected: clothes scattered everywhere in an abstract manner, snack wrappers strewn all over the bed, and crooked posters of singers plastered everywhere, almost falling off from a bad tape job. Contrary to the room they hard shared together, though, there was now a giant mic stand in the middle of the room with a computer screen lined with music notes. Minhyun could only laugh at the disastrous scene. _Of course_ , this would be Jaehwan’s room.

When they were living together, Jaehwan was a walking tornado. He managed to stub his toe in thin air, trip on flat surfaces, create a stampede of cooking ingredients when all he wanted to make was ramen. I mean, _who the fuck screws up ramen_? Everywhere Jaehwan went, it would turn into an awful mess. Looking at the room, Minhyun smiled at how unchanging the boy was.

“Wipe that stupid grin off your face,” Jaehwan rushed to collect all his clothes littered on the ground, “I’m sorry about my room.” He let out a self-conscious cackle.

“It's not a big deal,” Minhyun helped Jaehwan, grimacing when he picked up a pair of dirty red boxers, “You were always like this.”

Only a few moments later did Minhyun realize what he had said. Jaehwan momentarily stopped, creating an awkward pause.

“I-I’m sorry,” Minhyun quickly responded, mentally kicking himself in the shin.

“It's fine.” Jaehwan muttered, stretching down to pick up the last of his clothes. He proceeded to throw them in the closet.

“Jaehwan!” Minhyun cringed, staring at the dirty clothes mix in with the clean ones, “That's fucking gross!”

Jaehwan cackled, “Oops.” He grinned and closed the closet, enjoying every second of Minhyun’s dismay.

“I want to clean every inch of this place and scrub off all the nasty things you've done to it.”

Jaehwan snorted, “I've lived perfectly fine like this, thank you very much.”

“I think ‘barely functioning’ is the better phrase.” Minhyun started to clear the bed of all the crumbs and snack wrappers, only to find the garbage can already full of trash and flies. “Holy shit Jaehwan. _Why do you do this to yourself_?”

Jaehwan rummaged through his closet, ignoring Minhyun, “Do you think my pajamas will fit you?”

Minhyun somehow managed to pile the snack wrappers onto the mountain of trash, “If the pajamas are going to come out of that nasty closet, no thanks, I don't need.”

“And sleep in your dripping wet, dirty clothes?” Jaehwan folded his arms.

“My dripping wet, dirty clothes are far cleaner than the ones in the trash can you call a closet.” Minhyun fired back.

Jaehwan flicked Minhyun’s forehead, “Fine, you fucking piece of shit. I’ll go get something from the drier.” Jaehwan sarcastically called out while walking out, “Only fresh, clean garments for the emperor Hwang.”

“Your fresh, clean garments better reach my expectations, peasant.”

“Can't hear you over that big ass ego you have, hyung.”

Minhyun felt odd, just standing there smiling like an idiot. _Jaehwan called him hyung. Jaehwan was actually talking to him._

Minhyun laughed, “The one with the big ass ego is you, Kim.”

“Whatever, loser.”

— ♡ —

August 2015

 

“Seongwoo hyung?”

“Yes Jaehwan?”

“You still... you still think I should've told the truth, right?”

“Jaehwan,” the older sighed, “He's going to find out one day.”

The younger stared off at the sunset in front of them, lips in a tight line as he rocked in his chair.“I don't want to. I want to lock him away from this world and all the bad things in it.”

The older could only shake his head, gripping the sides of his chair as he gulped to keep hot tears in. He hugged his sides, grasping at his knees. _Seongwoo just missed him. He missed him so much. He wanted to hug him, he wanted to kiss him, he wanted to hold him._

 _But he was gone, gone for good_.

“Hyung?”

“Yes Jaehwan?”

“I hope you find happiness again.”

Seongwoo could only bitterly laugh,

 

_“So do I, Jaehwan. So do I.”_

— ♡ —

December 2017

 

Minhyun, now fully dressed in a _clean_ set of pajamas, was standing in his ex’s very messy room, with said ex.

“Sleep on the bed.” Jaehwan threw all the crumbs on it onto the floor with one dramatic swipe, “See? All new.”

Not trying to look disgusted, Minhyun turned his eyes from the horrific bed. “What about you?” Minhyun said, itching to clean the cracker crumbs on the floor, bound to attract ants sooner or later.

“Me?” Jaehwan scratched his head, “On the floor?”

Minhyun shivered, thinking about Jaehwan sleeping on the floor with all the bugs and dirt the younger must've brought in over five years, “The dirty floor? I don't think so.” He did a quick search of the room, “Besides, you don't seem to have extra blankets? I’m guessing the boys stole all the extra blankets, right?”

“Oh shit, you're right...” Jaehwan’s eyes widened, “All the boys decided they would sleep over today...”

“So...”

“...”

“...”

 

 

“I think,” Jaehwan started off slowly, adam’s apple bobbing as he gulped, “We’re going to have to sleep on the same bed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> henlo again! so just to clarify, i have no idea how korean education system works so i'm basing this off the american education system. so if you see stuff like "junior/senior" or junior high school or grade 9-12, i'm referencing the american education system.
> 
> AND AHHHH ITS 4K WORDS THIS CHAPTER! that's double the amount i normally write, so instead of making the quality better, i think i made the quantity better. comment your thoughts! remember, it keeps me motivated :) love you, see you next chapter


	4. chapter four ♡

December 2017

 

“Remember,” Jaehwan posed his arms at his hips, “We’re just two strangers that just _happened_ to be sleeping on the same bed.”

Minhyun held in a snort.

_Just two very gay men,_

_who's had very great_

_very gay sex,_

_sleeping in one bed,_

_together,_

_Pretending to be strangers._

The thought was implied, lightly roaming in the air. However, no one made a remark on it (thankfully).

Minhyun stared at the bed as if it was some sort of disease, “Which side do I take?”

Minhyun doesn't know why, but he swore he caught Jaehwan staring at him. Before he could blink, Jaehwan looked away, staring at the bed hard. _Maybe I was just imagining it._

Jaehwan sighed, “I’ll take the right.” He starts to walk over to the said side of the bed, but he stops in his tracks, turning to glare. “Remember. _Strangers_.” And with a _hmph_ , Jaehwan is tucked in the right side of the bed. In his plaid pink pajamas, Jaehwan snuggled into the wool blankets, facing away from the middle of the bed.

Minhyun chuckled, turning his head from the adorable scene. He tiptoed to the left side of the bed, making sure to not make a sound. He slowly lifted the blanket and slid into it. He laid there, staring at the ceiling, for quite a while.

_Who would be able to sleep in a situation like this?_

Minhyun knew Jaehwan wasn't sleeping. The younger had the tendency to kick around in his sleep and snore. The memories of Minhyun playfully teasing Jaehwan of his sleeping habits replayed in his head.

The younger was currently breathing slowly, with a calm figure and exposure. A person might've thought the boy was sleeping, but Minhyun knew better. _Holy shit, at this point, they wouldn't be able to get a wink of sleep._

“Hey stranger,” Minhyun whispered, turning to face the middle, “I know you’re awake.”

Jaehwan frowned, lightly turning his head to face the middle, “Fuck off, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Why are you so rude to a stranger?”

Jaehwan scowled, fully turning around to face Minhyun, “I’m only rude to people who deserve it.”

 _Ouch_.

“You know,” Minhyun stared directly into Jaehwan’s eyes. Before they knew it, they had their faces inches apart, watching each other at a close distance. “There are a lot of things you don't know about me, Kim Jaehwan.”

Jaehwan scoffed, “Well, you're a stranger. _Of course_ I don't know a lot about you.”

“Jaehwan,” Minhyun's eyes had a glint of plead. He adjusted himself more on the bed, trying to convey all his feelings through his eyes. “I’m serious.”

A strange feeling arose in Jaehwan as he squirmed under Minhyun’s stare, crawling through his throat, “I’m serious too.”

“I know you hate me,” Minhyun had that broken whisper again and something odd in Jaehwan’s heart seemed to break, “But I—“ Minhyun sucked in a shaky breath, “I have so many things I want to explain.”

Minhyun and Jaehwan held their stare, eyes wandering into the others as if searching for their past selves and hints of memory, the unforgettable times they had. Minhyun knew that he was in near tears, but he held it in, just like he had for the past five years.

Jaehwan broke the staring match. Minhyun could see a glance of pain on his face as he turned his back to Minhyun. “It's already over,” Jaehwan responded, in a whisper just as broken, “The past is in the past... There's nothing to explain.”

Before Minhyun could respond, Jaehwan shut him off. “I'm going to sleep.” Jaehwan continued, “You should too, _stranger_.”

And they stayed like that: Minhyun staring at the back of his ex and Jaehwan pretending to fall asleep with hitched breaths, staring at the closet door. Darkness entrapped them and they stayed in silence, waiting for the morning sun.

— ♡ —

June 2012

 

“Look at those dirty faggots,” Minhyun’s father sneered at the two boys across campus, “They'll go to hell, along with the rest of the monsters and demons.”

“Dad,” Minhyun nervously laughed, “I think it's time for you to go.”

Currently, Minhyun’s father roamed around his college campus. With a huge yellow visitor sticker on his puffed chest, he strides through the buildings with his head held up high, as if the place was beneath him.

“Have some respect for your father,” His father said with distaste. He scoffed one more time as the boys across campus kissed, “Why do parents spend good money for their kids to go to college if they're only going to like _animals_.” At this point, Minhyun’s father’s eyes were twitching and his fists were rolled up.

Minhyun could only sigh.

“Father,” Minhyun made sure not to stare into his father’s eyes as he spoke, “I have an important exam to study for tomorrow. As much as I love your presence.”

His father just glared and Minhyun looked down, almost whimpering.

“How rude,” He said, looking miffed, “I didn't raise you like this.” Minhyun didn't answer.

“How are you doing in school,” His father changed the subject, hating the silence. He crossed his arms, “I hope you’re doing well? High scores? Good grades?”

Minhyun perked up. His back straightened as he could finally impress his father, who hadn't been the least bit dazzled ever since he stepped foot on campus.

“Top of my class,” Minhyun could finally puff his chest like his dad, “I’m at the top of my class.”

His father bellowed a powerful laugh. Minhyun beamed and his dad smiled, “That’s my son,” He ruffled Minhyun's hair, “A model student. At a competitive school, no less!”

“I'm proud son. I'm so proud.”

Minhyun felt like a balloon floating in the air, blown up from happiness.

_Thank God._

_His father was happy. His father was proud of him. His father loved him._

and Minhyun really couldn't ask for more.

— ♡ —

9 August 2008

 

When Jonghyun asked him to visit the music room after school, Minhyun knew something was up.

It wasn't odd that Jonghyun would ask him to go to the music room. Minhyun played several instruments —violin, flute, clarinet, piano— on top of all his other activities. It was mainly because his father had wanted his son to be perfect at everything, from music to sports to academics... _everything_. The music room was practically his home; it was an area where Jaehwan and Minhyun liked to ~~make out~~ hang out in a lot.

No, it wasn't odd that Jonghyun asked him to go the music room. The odd thing was the way Jonghyun acted. Jonghyun had stuttered, his ears turned red, and his eyes were flittering everywhere (“M-meet me in the music room because I, um, want to talk”). The boy was a terrible liar, and Minhyun knew right away that there was something suspicious going on.

So Minhyun stood in front of the music room, ninja arms ready to intercept a screaming Minki or some kind of stupid shaving cream prank Aron liked to play on his dongsaengs. He crouched down and had his arms out in a swift, chopping motion.

He cautiously opened the door and walked in, re-assuming his ninja position in the music room.

 _“What the fuck are you doing_?” A voice cackled, scaring the crap out of Minhyun.

Jaehwan cackled harder watching Minhyun turn red, lowering his arms that were high in the air and his legs doing a weird knee position. “Did you accidentally mistake the music room for a dojo or something?” Jaehwan laughed so hard that he almost fell out of the stool he sat on.

Minhyun straightened his back, trying to hide his embarrassment as he took in the view in front of him. Surrounded by a circle of cased instruments, Jaehwan sat on a light brown stool. Guitar on his lap and pick clipped between his fingers, Jaehwan smiled brightly from across the room.

“Why the fuck are you here,” Minhyun blurted, “Not that I don't want you here,” Minhyun’s words stumbled quickly, “But I thought Jonghyun would be here doing some weird shit or something—“

“I told him to tell you to come here,” Jaehwan sighed, “it was supposed to be a surprise but you and your awful karate skills ruined it.” Jaehwan’s cackles returned once more, “Fuck, I should've taken a photo.”

Glaring, Minhyun pouted, “Surprise me with what?”

“Uh,” Jaehwan cocked his head, almost dropping his guitar, “It’s your birthday?”

“It is?” This was Minhyun’s intelligent response.

“How do you forget your own birthday?” Jaehwan said incredulously, “I treat mine like it's a holiday.” Before Minhyun could respond, Jaehwan groaned, getting off his stool. He grumbled, “Forget it, this surprise wasn't good anyway. I should've just gotten you a sweater or something—“

“Show me it, Hwannie.” Minhyun was already at Jaehwan’s side, stopping him from moving any further, “Show me what you were going to surprise me with,” Minhyun gently kissed Jaehwan's cheek, “I want to see what you were going to do for me.” Another gentle kiss went on Jaehwan's forehead.

Jaehwan blushed, his hand started to fiddle with the guitar pick. “I wrote a song for you,” Jaehwan muttered shyly, his cheeks turned a cute pink, “It's called Always, because I’ll always love you.”

“I already love it, Hwannie.” Minhyun beamed at the younger, squeezing Jaehwan’s cheek, “Sing it for me.”

Jaehwan steadied himself on the stool, cheeks now red as flaming hot cheetos. He cleared his throat and strummed his guitar. Opening his mouth, Jaehwan gave Minhyun a loving glance.

 _Slowly close your eyes_  
_Feel it, all the time we’ll be together_  
_All of the promises  
Even the familiar faces_

 _Such precious times_  
_Each is so special to me_  
_Even though it’s hard_  
_I gain strength from you who will smile when you see me_

 _Wherever, always, I’m all yours_  
_Always, I’m by your side to give you a back hug_  
_I’ll cling onto you like a bear, I’ll wrap around you_  
_I’ll always protect you, always_

 _All day, I’m filled with your love_  
_You’re the main of my life, all main every day_  
_I’ll make memories with you on this path_  
_Always wherever you’re walking_

 _Let’s hold hands just like now_  
_Let’s stay together like the word, forever_  
_You and I, with hearts that won’t change_  
_I promise_  
_To love you_

_Always with you, right here  
Right here, right here, always_

“I love you hyung,” Jaehwan gently put down his guitar on his floor. Now with free hands, he embraced Minhyun. They kissed, arms tight around each other.

“Always,” Minhyun muttered into the kiss, “I’ll love you always, Hwannie.”

“Always?” Jaehwan grinned. His hands cheekily roamed around Minhyun's body; he had sucked on his lips until they were red and sore.

Minhyun caressed his cheek, pecking on Jaehwan’s lips with care. “Always.” Minhyun laughed. His eyes represented pure happiness, they were glowing with light.

Minhyun was so glad— infinitly, tremendously, greatly glad —that his soulmate, the person that he loved the most, the person that he craved, desired for the most, stood by his side. He was bewildered at _how such a perfect man came to love an imperfect man like Minhyun._

“Always.”

They said it simultaneously this time,

 

 

hugging each other as if it was the end of the world.

— ♡ —

July 2012

 

Today was a momentous occasion.

 

  
The night was fresh and young, stars danced in constellations as the nine friends cheered in the tiny apartment. Beer sloshed out of their red cups as they all roared in laughter. Two men sat on the large blue couch, fake flowers littered all over it. A poster hung above the two men on the couch, someone's chicken scratch writing all over it, saying, _‘Jisung + Sungwoon’s lame ass wedding!’_

“I still can't believe you decided to have a wedding in your fucking apartment,” Taehyun giggled, his words were slurred as his body hummed to an invisible beat, “This is practically a bachelor party.”

“Well, we already signed the papers,” a-perfectly-not-drunk Jisung shrugged, “We’re just hanging out like we always do, except this time we're celebrating the fact that Sungwoon,” he smiled lovingly at the boy twerking on the couch, _“is now forever imprisoned to me.”_

“Ha,” San giggled, “Finally Sungwoon can move his annoying ass out our apartment.” He licked the floor and laughed, as if he had said a hilarious joke.

“Okay,” Jaehwan gasped at Jisung, “These hyungs are way too fucking wasted.” He pointedly stared at Timotheo and Taehyun singing Gashina while they spread themselves on top of the table.

“Relax headass,” Seongwoo grinned evilly as he whipped out his phone, recording the scene in front of him, “ _This_ is why we always invite the Hotshot hyungs.”

He chortled as Hojung threw up on the rug. “Besides,” Seongwoo winked at Jaehwan, “You need to relax. Forget about Hwang Minhyun for a while, you guys need space after that fight you two ha—“ Seongwoo trailed off as he almost choked when Hojung started to chant in drunk, stumbling Thai.

“Oh for _fuck’s sake_ ,” Jisung sighed, “Don't record them.” He swatted at Seongwoo’s phone until Seongwoo pouted and pocketed his phone.

“By the way,” Jisung frowned, swiveling his head to look around the room, “Where's your boyfriend? He still hasn't come yet?”

Seongwoo scowled, anxiously sipping on a red cup, “That asshole said he was going to come here after his job interview in the city.” He crumbled his cup after drinking all the contents in it, “He hasn't replied back to any of my messages,” He poured himself another cup of Hite beer, sour expression at hand, “so I'm going to drink my worries away.”

“Should we go look for him?” A worried Jisung groaned as Sungwoon jumped on him, “Daniel’s definitely not the type to bail on his best friend’s wedding.”

“ _If you could call this a wedding_ ,” Jaehwan coughed; Jisung smacked him in the stomach.

“Shut up, shitface,” Jisung hissed, “Be more concerned.”

Jaehwan scoffed, snatching the beer bottle out of Seongwoo’s hands to only pour himself a cup, “Daniel is an adult. It's only been an hour, maybe he's just running late.” Jaehwan gulped a huge sip. ”Maybe the interview people just wanted to talk with him more,” Jaehwan shrugged.

“Yeah,” Seongwoo was now practically stuffing his face into the cup, “uh-huh. Daniel is an adult, he's going to come back.” Seongwoo repeated, as if to assure himself.”

Jisung groaned, “Stop drowning yourselves in alcohol.” He took the cups and bottles out of Jaehwan and Seongwoo’s hands, “I get it, you guys have boy troubles. But none of you are dying on my watch—“

 

 

 

  
_Bzz, bzz. Bzz, bzz_. Seongwoo’s phone buzzes in his pocket.

 

 

 

Seongwoo fumbles to take the phone out of his pocket.

“Helloooo?” Seongwoo drawls.

But then panicked words come out of the speaker and Seongwoo’s expressions changed.

 

 

  
“ _Jisung_ ” Seongwoo grasped the older’s collar, “ _get the car. Now.”_

“Uh, why—“

“ _Get the fucking car now you dipshit_!” Seongwoo screeched, his voice wobbled and he slowly released Jisung’s collar,

 

 

_  
“Daniel’s in the hospital. And he's severely injured.”_

 

Wasn't it so ironic, that the union of one couple would become the coming apart of another?

— ♡ —

Thank God Jisung had a no drinking policy.

 

They put the only non-drunk Hotshot member, Junhyuk, in charge of the drunken members as the three of them drove to the hospital at full speed. Jisung, at the driver’s seat, was skillfully dodging cars and stop signs at his fastest pace. Seongwoo, right next to the driver’s seat, broke into tears as they rushed to Daniel. Jaehwan tried to calm down Seongwoo, soothing him with muttered words into the older.

Key word: _tried_.

 _“Oh fuck,”_ Seongwoo panicked, tears streamed down his face _, “What happened to Daniel, why is he seriously injured. Oh fuck, fuck, I should've went with him to the city. It's dangerous and he shouldn't have went by himself. Oh gosh- I'm such a disgrace of a boyfriend—“_

“Seongwoo, please,” Jaehwan pleaded, “Please calm down. Daniel wouldn't want this.”

But Seongwoo, even at the slightest mention of Daniel, geared up at the slightest mention of his boyfriend.

 _“Daniel,”_ Seongwoo cried _, “Baby, I’m so, so sorry.”_ His screams got softer as he started to whisper repeatedly _, “I’m so sorry, Daniel. I’m so sorry, Daniel. I’m so sorry, Daniel.”_

When they arrived at the hospital, they screamed at the nurse at the front desk. She frantically gave them the room number (probably scared to death from Seongwoo’s glare) and the trio ran like hell up the stairs. After some time, their legs felt like they were crisps and their clothes were drenched with sweat, giving off the disgusting stench mix of sweat, tears, and alchohol. Yet the still ran like the world depended on it. Well, at least to Seongwoo, his world actually _did_ depend on it.

They reached the room, panting and out of breath, and the view felt like a punch to the stomach. It knocked even more breath out of Jaehwan.

Daniel laid on the bed: bloody bones, broken teeth, loads of bandages wrapped all over like a mummy. His monitor was barely beeping right next to him, matching the rythym of the sobs that came from his parents and his little brother, Jihoon, only twelve years old.

“ _Daniel_?” A barely audible gasp escaped Seongwoo’s mouth and Jaehwan looked over to only see pure horror on the boy’s face. “Daniel? Is that you?”

Seongwoo rushed over to the Daniel’s side. Salty tears were crashing down his cheeks like waves of an ocean, the sky of the room was dark and grey.

“Sir,” A doctor gently wrapped his arms around Seongwoo, “Please calm down.”

“ _Calm down_?” Seongwoo turned towards the doctor, throwing his arms off his shoulder with eyes blazing with hell fire, “ _The love of my life is dying and you tell me to calm the fuck down_?”

The doctor, first surprised at the word “love of my life,” managed his calm composure again. “Please, sir,” The doctor tried to soothe Seongwoo, “please let me explain the patient’s condition first. I need you to be calm for this.”

Seongwoo still sobbed, but his anger had left, only misery overcoming the young man. “ _Just fucking tell me already you dipshit of a doctor.”_

The doctor breathed in, as if he himself was trying to be calm in the situation too. He tried again to put his arm around Seongwoo (unsuccessfully),

 

 

  
“The patient won't be able to make it. I am so sorry, please be prepared for what's coming next.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_  
“You fucking liar, Kang Daniel. You promised to be my side forever, you fucking **promised**. You're a fucking liar, Kang Daniel. A rotten, good for nothing, fucking liar.”_

 

A pause.

 

_“How am I supposed to live now? I don't want to live in a world without King Daniel. A world without Kang Daniel is a horrifying world... it shouldn't be a world at all.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aCK *runs away*
> 
>  
> 
> #imsorryforthepain
> 
> [ please give me some thoughts in the comment section! ]
> 
> [[ i'm sorry it took a while for this update,, i was uninspired for a while and i'm a little unsatisfied at how the writing came out but hey, i love how angsty it is. i love pain. ]]


	5. chapter five ღ

December 2017

 

“ _Park Jihoon! My fucking son, come over here! Let's bond!_ ”

Jihoon groaned. He had hoped he would make it past the week without any of those creepy ass “let's bond” offerings that Jaehwan loved to suffocate Jihoon with. The gesture was nice, but Jaehwan was a little...

 _too_ excited at times.

Don't get Jihoon wrong, he loved spending time with his brother (the alive one, that is). One thing he was eternally grateful for was that he never lost that feeling of brotherhood and love, even after Daniel died, courtesy to Jaehwan. He missed Daniel and he loved Jaehwan. They were his hyungs that he would cherish forever in his heart. Jihoon didn't know what he would do if it weren't for them in his life.

Jihoon loved the times when he and Daniel would go to the park and play soccer, sweat like waterfalls pouring onto the field. Jihoon loved the times when he and Jaehwan would go into his music studio and act like complete idiots, screwing around with the instruments and creating goofy songs that would always remain iconic™.

But Jihoon did _not_ appreciate Jaehwan’s “let's bond” invitations.

Why?

Because “let's bond” meant “ _let's watch Produce 101 Season 1 as hyung shrieks in your ear_.”

Oh god, the _trauma_.

As Yeonjung’s and Produce 101’s number one fan, Jaehwan literally had pink posters _everywhere_ in their apartment. It looked like their apartment caught fucking chicken pox with I.O.I and Yeonjung photos _everywhere_. Jesus, Jihoon couldn't breathe with that I.O.I poster that Jaehwan put right above his bed. I.O.I was _literally_ the last thing he saw before he fell asleep.

When Yeonjung won eleventh place, Jaehwan bought a huge pink cake and ate it by himself in a decorated room with pink congratulatory banners and balloons everywhere.

Yes, that's how much of a fucking loner Kim Jaehwan was.

And poor Jihoon was the victim of it.

It's not like Jihoon disliked the show itself. Jihoon actually enjoyed the show. He was intrigued, _what rank would he be if he went on a boys version or something_? But ever since he got _kicked out_ of the apartment for _three whole hours_ because he said that his favorite was God Sejeong and not Yeonjung, he wanted to punch his hyung in the face every time he mentioned the show.

“ _Park Jihoon_!” He heard an obnoxious cackle come from the living room, “ _hyung_ _is_ _waiting_ ~”

_Oh dear lord, Kim Jaehwan was fucking terrifying._

“No, asshole!” Jihoon shouted, running to lock the doors and even the window, just in case. “Not today, Satan. Don't you fucking dare—“

 _Too late._ Jaehwan stood at his doorway grinning like a horrifying madman, his round cheeks rolled into evil balls of cheekbone resting atop the corners of his smile. He giggled like some kind of messed up demon zombie, throwing his hands at his sides in his WJSN pajamas.

“ _You won't fucking believe this_ ,” Jaehwan was literally an uncontainable song of energy, his legs were jumping in excitement. “I sent my song to YMC,” Jaehwan stopped to frown, quickly piping in, “which is a shit company,” he went back into enthusiastic mode, “and they accepted it!”

“Uh,” Jihoon awkwardly sat on his bed, trying to decipher the jitter Jaehwan had just vomited, “What's that”

Jaehwan’s nostrils flared and Jihoon swore that he saw flashes of his smol life zip by him.

“ _What's that_ ,” Jaehwan attacked his shoulders with a death grip, “What's that? _Only the company that has the World’s best Korean girl group in history.”_

“Which is...?” Jihoon asked, quickly regretting it at the growl and glare from Jaehwan.

_“I.O.I, the top eleven ranks of the best fucking show Produce 101 made by trash broadcasting company Mnet, containing the best of the best Yoo Yeonjung, Jeon Somi, Kim Sejeong, Choi—“_

“I know who they are,” Jihoon snapped, almost hitting Jaehwan’s face as he shook off the older’s death grip, “You made me watch the last episode a hundred times.”

“You mean,” Jaehwan gave him a shit eating grin, “101 times.”

“I will smack you.” Jihoon warned.

Ignoring him completely, Jaehwan started to dance in his spot again, “My song made by lil old me is going to be sung by _the_ I.O.I like _fuck_. Me? Me? God, I’m not worthy—“

Just about when Jihoon was going to smack Jaehwan with his pillow, Jaehwan gasped as if he had the most brilliant idea, gaping at Jihoon.

“I should celebrate!” Jaehwan jumped in glee, “This calls for a celebration!”

Jihoon snickered, “ _But you have no friends to celebrate it with.”_

Giving him a death glare once again, Jaehwan huffed, “I have friends, you disrespectful child.” Jaehwan ruffled his head, Jihoon was pretty positive that Jaehwan purposely grinded into his scalp until it hurt. “Besides,” Jaehwan gleefully said, “I have _you_.”

“Oops,” Jihoon flustered, looking at the clock, “I have a tutor session in thirty minutes so... _sadly_ ,” Jihoon mustered his saddest puppy face, “I can't go. What a _pity_.”

Jaehwan pouted. Jihoon was about to roll his eyes at the grown adult baby when Jaehwan cut him off, “Fine.” He flicked imaginary long hair besides his neck, “I’ll call my friends, which by the way, do freaking exist.”

Jaehwan chuckled as he reached for the phone, “Do you need me to drop you off and pick you up, kid?”

“Sure” Jihoon beamed at his hyung, hiding an ever so slight panic behind his eyes.

_Will Minhyun hyung come even though I didn't schedule a lesson today?_

— ♡ —

April 2012

 

“So,” the woman behind the desk gave them a sweet smile oozing with fakeness, “You two men want to find an apartment together? Preferably between these two universities you said?” She still held the fake smile as she showed them the contents of her computer. Jaehwan cringed, imagining how much her cheekbones must've hurt from smiling like that all day.

“Two bedroom?” She dropped her smile for a moment (finally, for _fuck’s sake_ ), raising an eyebrow at the two of them, “What... relationship are you two again?”

Jaehwan calmly started, “Boyfr—“

“Roommates,” Minhyun rushed to interrupt, bellowing a nervous laugh, “We’re just two, friendly roommates.” Jaehwan almost glared if not for Minhyun’s pleading look. _I’ll explain later._

“Roommates!” The woman smiled her fake smile again, “I’ll bring over some info of potential apartments.” She fake-excitedly clapped her hands and zipped off into uh, wherever the info thing was.

As the woman went out of view, Jaehwan hissed, “ _Hyung, I thought we decided to be open about it.”_

Minhyun let out another nervous fit, sending an unenthusiastic smile, “ _Give me more time, Hwannie. A bit more time—“_

“ _Time_?” Jaehwan scowled, _“It’s been six years. How much more time do you ne—“_

“Alright!” The cringey, bubbly voice hushed all forms of conversation, effectively starting a glare war between the couple. “Uh,” The woman tried to keep her optimistic mask, “Are you guys okay?”

Jaehwan sighed, closing his eyes. _You win again, Hwang Minhyun_. Still with eyes shut, Jaehwan muttered, “We’re alright.” He followed the woman’s example: he straightened his back, stretched his teeth, and gave her the best fake smile. “We have to be.”

Minhyun could only glance with that adorable sad kitty look he unconsciously always did when he felt guilt. Jaehwan chuckled, patting Minhyun's knee in the most non gay way he could.

“We always have been.”

— ♡ —

December 2017

 

Hwang Minhyun did not expect to see a drunk Kim Jaehwan that night.

Jihoon and Minhyun were almost done with their abrupt calculus lesson (“I would rather learn than die, Minhyun hyung” Jihoon had pleaded with him on the phone) when Jihoon's phone buzzed wildly. Red Velvet’s _Red Flavor_ started blasting in the quiet library, and Jihoon fumbled to take out his loud phone ringing in his school bag.

“Jihoon,” Minhyun said, more amused than angry, “You should have your phone off when you study.”

“Ah, sorry.” Jihoon gave him a pink blush and a cheeky smile, scratching at the base of his neck, “It’s my idiotic hyung.”

  
“Oh.” Was Minhyun's genius answer. He dumbly stared at Jihoon as the teenager tapped at his accept call button.

“What do you want dipshit?” Jihoon playfully spoke into the speaker, only to reel back with a look of surprise, “Sewoon hyung? Why do you have Jaehwan's phone?”

Sewoon? Minhyun perked his ears, was that Jaehwan's current boyfriend? For some reason, the thought ripped at his heart.

Jihoon, after listening intently for awhile, suddenly smiled, trying to keep in a burst of laughter. He glanced at Minhyun and smirked, which was odd, Minhyun has to admit.

Jihoon grinned at Minhyun, and Minhyun swore he saw a hint of an evil glint under the facade of cuteness parading in Jihoon’s pretty eyes. Hanging up the phone, Jihoon chuckled, “Hyung is drunk. We have to pick him up.”

“We?” Minhyun involuntarily gulped a massive amount of saliva and nervousness.

“Who's the adult that can drive here?” Jihoon smiled innocently, “It's not me, is it?”

 

  
Minhyun shivered.

_Sometimes, Park Jihoon was just as scary as Kim Jaehwan._

— ♡ —

May 2012

 

“Happy birthday, Hwannie.”

Minhyun and Jaehwan sat across from each other in the midst of busy waitresses and customers decked out in suits and dresses, the sound of the piano swirled in the air around them.

Minhyun, who was wearing a dashing black suit and a sharp smile, winked at Jaehwan with glass of wine cupped in his hand. His other hand was interlocked with Jaehwan’s, underneath the silk white table cloth, “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Aw hyung,” Jaehwan’s cheeks turned a slight pink, “You look good, too.”

“I know,” Minhyun said haughtily, putting two hands underneath his chin like a flower, “Look at this face.”

Jaehwan almost knocked out Minhyun’s teeth in the middle of the fancy restaurant. “Everybody knows that _I’m_ the visual shock in this couple.”

“Uh-huh,” Minhyun jokingly put an unimpressed face one, giggling as soon as he saw Jaehwan's distressed face, “I’m joking, Hwannie. You’re so—“

“Minhyun?” A middle aged man slowly made their way to their table, a woman draped on his arm like a scarf, “What are you doing here?”

“Ah,” Minhyun seemed to panic a little. He immediately removed his hand from Jaehwan’s from under the table, right after hearing the man’s voice. His eyes flitted nervously and his palms were in a fist now.

 _What made him so nervous_? Jaehwan curiously looked at the strange man.

“Hyung,” Jaehwan smiled sweetly, “Who is this?”

“U-um,” Minhyun laughed for no apparent reason, “This is my boss, Mr. Lee.”

“It's nice to meet you, sir.” Jaehwan bowed politely, tucking in his suit to get up.

“Yes” Mr. Lee barely glanced at Jaehwan, staring at Minhyun intently, “What brings you here? Relaxing before the conference meeting tomorrow?”

“Actually,” Minhyun’s smile seemed thin and anxious, “It’s Jaehwan’s birthday so—“

“Oh,” Mr. Lee blinked, “Happy birthday,”

Before Jaehwan could reply with a polite ‘thank you,’ Mr. Lee frowned, the wrinkles on his forehead crinkling more by the minute, “Isn't this,” he waved his hands to the couple, “a little too intimate? Why not have a party with all your friends?”

_Because we're dating, you stupid buffoon—_

“I guess Jaehwan likes me a little too much,” Minhyun laughed, “Right, Jaehwan?”

What the fuck? Trying his best to not rip Minhyun in half on the spot, he clenched his teeth, “ _right_.”

The old man let out a hearty fit, “You might want to be careful.” He whispered like it was some kind of secret by some six year old, “People might think this is a date.”

Jaehwan rolled his eyes, slithering his hand back into Minhyun’s under the table cloth, hoping for the other’s comfort through his annoyance at this man.

Who the fuck did the man think he was? Who cared if there were two men on a date? He and Minhyun were _much_ better off without that dipshit ruining his birthday—

Under the table, he felt a smack on his hand and a glare from the older.

Repulsed, Jaehwan shrunk in his seat. _Why was Minhyun acting like this_?

“A date? No sir, we’re just good friends.” Minhyun smirked, “Besides, I like girls.”

Mr. Lee gave them a snobbish grin. What a fucking pig.

“Of course, I’ll let you two enjoy your meal.” He laughed, “Happy birthday, Jaehwan. Make sure to give Minhyun some space, eh?”

And like always, Minhyun gave him an apologetic look as the pig sauntered back into his table.

“I’m sorry, Hwannie.” His hand was back in Jaehwan's in a beat of a second, “You know that I have to suck up to him. He's my boss, for god sake.”

Jaehwan merely nodded, giving his boyfriend a dry smile.

_  
Why did Jaehwan feel so numb all of a sudden?_

— ♡ —

December 2017

 

“You stay in the car,” Minhyun instructed Jihoon. His sleek black car was armed in front of some kind of restaurant, which had the front littered with green soju bottles and powders of snow.

Jihoon nodded as Minhyun frantically ran off into the noisy restaurant, even Jihoon could hear Jaehwan’s voice from outside, singing that darned song ‘Skyfall’ with a surprisingly impressive voice, considering that Jaehwan was drunk.

“Hi,” Minhyun brought out his best charms out (aka his face) and smiled sweetly at the old lady at the counter, “I’m here for my friend. I’m, ah,” Minhyun paused to dodge a fork that got thrown at his direction. Minhyun glared at the person who threw it, only to reveal a drunk Jaehwan cheekily smile back at him.

 _It was kind of adorable_. Minhyun chuckled as the younger resumed to drunk singing Adele.

Trying to calm down the angry old lady, Minhyun brought out his sweet smile again, this time with cute crescent eyes to compensate. “I’m sorry for this mess,” Minhyun winked, the old lady’s anger faltered.

“Tell your friend to get his shit together.” And with that, the old lady trotted back to the kitchen with a wave of a hand.

“Minhyun?” A voice startled him, “Why are you here?”

His almond eyes gasped, “Jisung?”

He finally gave the table Jaehwan was at a good look.

Sat at the only occupied seats in the empty restaurant was Jaehwan, Sungwoon, Jisung, and a man that he couldn't quite recognize. _Sewoon_ , Minhyun inferred.

Of course, the two loudest ones were Jaehwan and Sungwoon. Two beautiful voices yet creating a disastrous melody of Skyfall and 24 hours.

The two completely sober men, Jisung and Sewoon, stared at Minhyun. He couldn't feel any more awkward and stiff than this.

Minhyun could swear the stranger, Sewoon, was glaring at him. He didn't really know why, but Minhyun still squirmed as the two men stared death holes into Minhyun.

“What are you doing here?” Jisung cocked his head. His eyes flickered between Jaehwan and him until it stopped at a hard glare directed at Minhyun.

“Jihoon said he needed a ride to pick up Jaehwan so I—“

“Like we'd ask a seventeen year old to come here,” Sewoon snorted, “I told Jihoon that his brother was drunk and to let me know if he needed a ride.” He turned towards the drunk Jaehwan and oddly, his face did a 180 degree change, frown breaking into a smile as his eyes wrinkled in laughter. “Jaehwan was insistent on picking up Jihoon but obviously,” he waved at Jaehwan’s swaying body, “he's drunk as fuck and I don't want him to die in some car accident.”

Suddenly, Minhyun didn't like Sewoon as much.

“Nevertheless,” Minhyun started, making way to Jaehwan's drunk status, “Jihoon told me to pick up Jaehwan—“

“Wait a fucking moment,” Jisung surprised him, growling (something that wasn't really in his nature) and blocking Minhyun's path, “ _You_ of all people don't get to just take Jaehwan away.”

“Jihoon's waiting for me in the car,” Minhyun calmly stated, trying his best not to frazzle the older more, “I’ll just make sure he goes home safe.”

“Do you have _any_ clue what Jaehwan went through because of you? You hurt my baby. _Nobody_ hurts my babies.” Jisung spoke in a low, murderous tone.

Minhyun was sure he shit his pants. It was too bad, he was wearing white underwear today.

“I have my reasons, hyung. And it still doesn't excuse what I did,” Minhyun clasped Jisung's hands, shaking it as he pleaded, “I regret everything. I know.”

Even drunk Jaehwan and Sungwoon were dead quiet now.

Well, sort of. They were having a staring contest in the back, not having a clue to the conversation in front of them. A fly flew past Jaehwan and he blinked, Sungwoon broke the silence with slurred laughter.

“I win,” Sungwoon grinned as his eyes rolled around and his flimsy body was at near fainting.

“I think you should leave.” Sewoon crossed his arms and put his arms around the drunk Jaehwan, as if he was protecting the man.

“No, I’ll let you take him home.” Jisung shook off Minhyun's hands and sat back down next to Sungwoon, gently caressing Sungwoon’s head.

“ _Hyung_!” Sewoon exclaimed, still with arms around Jaehwan.

Ignoring Sewoon’s protests, Jisung looked at him sternly, “Get him home safe. Don't think about taking advantage of this idiot in this state,” he snorted as Jaehwan drooled on the table with alcohol in hand, “I’m not losing any of babies. Not again.”

Jisung sighed, “I’m not doing this because I like you, Hwang. I just know you'll get him home safe... and that's all I want.”

 

 

 

 

As Sewoon and Jisung watched Minhyun carry Jaehwan to his car, Sewoon pouted as he turned to his hyung.

“Why'd you let him take him?”

Jisung ruffled Sewoon’s hair, being careful that he didn't wake up the sleeping Sungwoon on his shoulder, “I saw it in his eyes. He means it, I know he's changed.”

Sewoon snorted, “What the fuck does that mean?”

Jisung did a half shoulder shrug, “He's not going to harm Jaehwan again.” He did one of those creepy murderous looks (Sewoon even shivered from across the table), “Or else I'll _rip out his bones one by one and feed his body to the vultures_.”

— ♡ —

June 2012

 

The smell was peculiar.

With his hair crumpled and his body wrapped in warm blankets, Jaehwan woke up to an empty bed, the smell of pancakes and syrup drifting into all the corners of the room.

The peculiar thing was, the smell was good.

Neither Jaehwan or Minhyun could cook. The last time Jaehwan tried to cook, he almost burned down the house. He himself didn't understand how some of the brownie batter got on the ceiling, or why the oven was smoking with red sparks. What was so wrong with using a metal pan in the oven?

Anyways, Jaehwan was well aware of staying away from the kitchen. Minhyun, the boy who was perfect at everything, turned out to have one tiny flaw: cooking. The older also sucked at cooking, and he couldn't stand the slightest mess that came with it. Minhyun tried making fried eggs but it backfired when the egg wasn't “perfectly an circle.” Also on Minhyun’s 1836493728th attempt on making a “perfectly circle” fried egg, some of the yolk trickled into Minhyun's finger, and he freaked out and accidentally sent the frying pan flying across the kitchen. Jaehwan to this day, always made sure there were no flying projectiles— that could possibly kill him, by the way —before he stepped foot into the kitchen.

Yeah, cooking with Minhwan wasn't a good idea.

So when the air smelled like food, _good_ food, Jaehwan was automatically suspicious and on alert.

 _What if there was a dangerous robber or murderer_? Jaehwan shivered, fingers wrapping around the closest item he could reach.

Slowly following the scent into the kitchen, Jaehwan raised his weapon, just for safety—

  
“Why are you holding a lamp?”

  
“Huh?” Jaehwan blinked. Looking at what he was holding, (indeed) their bedroom lamp, Jaehwan blushed at quickly put it down.

Minhyun, on the other hand, was currently in the middle of stacking a pancake on a pile of more pancakes. Eggs ( _fried_ eggs) and bacon sizzled in seperate plates decorating the perfectly clean table.

“Hyung?”

“Yes Jaehwan?”

“You bought these, right?” Jaehwan inspected the food in distrust. Sniffing at ever edge of the pancakes, he glared at Minhyun, “these can't be made by you.”

Minhyun laughed, “Actually, I did make them.” He waved his frying pan, which Jaehwan hoped he wouldn't throw (again), smiling proudly as if he won the Olympics, “I bought this odd contraption that would make all my eggs and pancakes. perfectly. circle.” Jaehwan looked at where Minhyun was pointing at, which was a weird metal circle with a slight handle.

“I can't believe you bought that,” Jaehwan grumbled, walking over to wrap his arms around Minhyun.

“Oh fuck no,” Minhyun shooed Jaehwan with his spatula, “Morning breath, go wash your teeth first.”

Did Minhyun even know Jaehwan? The younger was too lazy to go to the bathroom now.

Grumbling harder, he crossed his arms like a kid and sat pouting at the ground. Scoffing, Jaehwan said, “Why are you doing this anyway? Today isn't a special day” . _..I think_.

“I wants to make you breakfast in bed,” Minhyun gave Jaehwan a cute frown, “But you're already up.”

“It's okay,” Jaehwan cackled, “feed me now instead.”

“Just wait, you impatient child. I’m almost done—“

 

_Ring ding dong, Ring ding dong, Ring diggy ding diggy ding ding dong. Ring ding dong—_

 

“You switched the doorbell again?” Minhyun laughed incredulously, “you actually switched it to Ring Ding Dong, gosh Jaehwan”

“I’m a genius,” Jaehwan pushed himself off the floor to answer the door, “A genius that loves his kings Shinee.”

“Stan talent, stan Shinee,” Minhyun giggled, watching the pancake sizzle whilst waiting for an answer.

When Jaehwan didn't answer, Minhyun turned to glance at their visitor.

  
Minhyun almost threw his frying pan again.

  
“ _Dad_?”

— ♡ —

The tension could be cut by a knife— or machete or scissor or sharp pencil or any pointy metal object you preferred, really.

Sat near the table with the now cold pancakes that Minhyun had worked so hard on, was the three: Minhyun, Jaehwan, and Minhyun's dad.

“Father,” Minhyun started, “You really have to stop with the surprise visits.”

“Nonsense,” Minhyun's father huffed, “I’m your father, I can come any time I want.”

Jaehwan gaped. _This_ was Minhyun’s father?

Jaehwan always had been curious of who the man was, but he always expected him to loving, caring, and compassionate just as Minhyun was. He kind of understood why Minhyun had been so repulsed at his father and Jaehwan meeting for so long. The man that called himself father was quite small and obnoxious, who carried himself as if he was the most important man in the world.

“This is your roommate?” Minhyun's father looked at Jaehwan up and down, judging every crook and cranny of his body, “What's his financial status?”

“ _Father_!” Minhyun yelped.

“Well, he needs to pay the bills somehow!” His father threw up his hands, shaking a meaty fist, “What's your job then? Are you in college? What's your major?”

“Fath—“ Minhyun warned but Jaehwan put a hand on his shoulder, hoping to calm the boy down.

“It's okay, it's okay.” Jaehwan smiled as he felt Minhyun relax under his touch, “I major in music.”

“ _Hmph_ ,” Minhyun's father made a face. Jaehwan was about to punch him, if not for only the fact that the man was an elder. The older man sneered, “Like _music_ will get you a job.”

“Old man, you listen—“

“Father,” Minhyun lightly kicked Jaehwan in the shin under the table, “why are you here?”

“Ah,” Minhyun’s father perked up, which was strange as the man was so tiny Jaehwan could barely see his small back straighten, “Your mother and I found a lovely girl—“

Jaehwan was glaring lasers into the old man as he rambled about a girl who, actually even Jaehwan, was impressed with.

“Petite, beautiful, amazing academics, majoring in medicine,” Jaehwan felt as if that was supposed to be a low key diss towards him. _Fuck you_ , Jaehwan scowled.

“I’ll think about it.” Minhyun got up, motioning for the door, “now please leave.”

“Call me,” Minhyun’s father grabbed the pancake on top of the pancake tower, “By the way, this pancake tastes terrible.”

Grabbing the brown jacket from the jacket stand, Minhyun’s father left in a blink.

 

 

 

 _  
“That was my fucking pancake_.”

“ _We could always make more, Hwannie_.”

“ _Your dad just_ _stole **my** fucking pancake_.”

_“He said it was terrible anyways.”_

_“Shut the fuck up, go and make me more_.”

— ♡ —

December 2017

 

One thing that hadn't changed in Jaehwan was how much of a lousy drunk he was.

The boy could maybe last a bottle before launching to a full-blown musical with alchohol in one hand and a fake mic in the other. It was cute, but it was also noisy. Also messy but Jaehwan was always messy, drunk or not.

By the time Minhyun lugged Jaehwan into the car, he probably finished Adele’s whole album. The boy still managed to hit all them highnotes in his drunken state, Minhyun didn't even know how or why.

Jihoon opened the car door for them, crinkling his nose at the wave of alcohol smell reeking in the air. Pinching his nose, he motioned for Minhyun to throw Jaehwan into the car (he didn't, like the nice person he was. Instead, he gently laid him down).

Rushing to the driver’s seat, Minhyun quickly started the engine. Seat belt buckled and engine ready, the car started to inch along the road.

“ _Jisungie_!” Jaehwan giggled and almost launched himself at the driver's seat if it wasn't for Jihoon holding him back, _“I.O.I is going to sing my song_!”

“Hyung,” Jihoon looked as if he was about to smack the drunk on his head, “That's Minhyun hyung.”

“Minhyun?” Jaehwan blinked slowly and squinted at the man driving, “Nah, he's more handsome.”

The little shit, Jihoon, looked like he was enjoying himself a little... _too_ much. Grinning like the cute version of the scary fucking clown from _It_ , he asked, “Hyung, don't you see? Minhyun hyung is right there.”

Groaning, Minhyun started, “Jihoonie, please don't start—“

Jaehwan cackled like Jihoon had said the funniest thing in the world, “Hyung? Hyung’s not here, he shouldn't be here. He deserves to be happy.”

And with those sentences, solemn silence came about the sober boys in the car. That is, until Minhyun almost hit a car.

“ _Hyung_!” Jihoon exclaimed, hands across beating heart, “ _Don't fucking kill us_.”

“Sorry,” Minhyun muttered.

 _He deserves to be happy_... what did that mean?

— ♡ —

“You're so heavy,” Minhyun grunted as he carried Jaehwan onto his bed.

Jaehwan only answered with a breath of alcohol and a verse of Adele lyrics.

After several (what seemed like hours) minutes of manhandling the stubborn drunk into his bed, Minhyun finally got Jaehwan to lay calmly on the blankets.

Sucking his thumb and smiling in his sleep, Jaehwan seemed like the cutest big baby Minhyun had ever seen.

“I’m going to go now,” Minhyun whispered, tiptoeing on the wooden floor towards the exit, “Sleep well—“

“No,” Jaehwan’s free hand flew to the hem of Minhyun’s jacket, “Don't leave.”

“I have to.” But Minhyun stood still, waiting for Jaehwan to let go.

The younger did precisely the opposite.

Tugging and tugging, Minhyun toppled over Jaehwan on the bed. _It was the most awkward thing ever._

“Minhyun?”

“Yes Jaehwan?”

“I never stopped loving you.” He mumbled into his thumb, now reeking of alcoholic saliva.

Minhyun's breath hitched. The younger loved him back? Was he just playing with his heart? What did he mean by that?

 _It was pathetic at how much power Jaehwan held over him, making him weak in the knees with one phrase_.

“but I’m scared.” Jaehwan whimpered, his eyes fluttered as if he was experiencing a bad dream.

“Scared of what?”

There was no answer. Only light snores came from the other’s mouth.

Minhyun, who was locked on top of Jaehwan’s sleeping body, grew red at the distance between them.

Pressed against each other, Minhyun could feel the warmth he hadn't felt in the past six years.

It was tender,  
it was warm,  
it was as if someone had finally given something Minhyun had been desperately craving for years.

Jaehwan now had his mouth wide open, thumb wet but now out of his mouth. His lashes, long and stunning, entranced Minhyun.

“I’m sorry Hwannie,” he whispered, “I’m sorry I ever made you sad.” The sky seemed to agree as it shed white tears that gently flew to the ground in grace.

— ♡ —

July 2012

 

“Are you going somewhere?”

Minhyun waved at Jaehwan's outfit, which as a strange mix of casual and fancy: a white collar shirt with jeans.

“Of course,” Minhyun winked, “You look good in the outfit.”

Jaehwan, who would usually cackle and laugh at the cringe, didn't this time. Instead the younger sat on their bed and stared, poker face that was so foreign to Minhyun now being presented to the older.

“Jaehwan?” Minhyun crouched down, leveling their eyes to the same level, “Are you okay?”

Jaehwan merely glanced at him, beautiful brown eyes wavering.

“Jaehwan,” Minhyun was really concerned now, “Hwannie, talk to me.”

Jaehwan’s lips trembled and his cheeks sagged. Minhyun’s heart broke then and there, he wanted to kiss the trembled away.

“Hyung,” Jaehwan let out a cracked voice, “Are you ashamed of me?”

Minhyun’s eyes widened and he swooped in to peck Jaehwan’s single tear that had just managed to escape the younger’s left eye, “Sweetie,” he pecked Jaehwan's lips, “Why would I be ashamed of you?”

“Because I’m a _boy_ ,” Jaehwan spit out, his eyes spewed flames and his mouth curled up. “You're ashamed because I’m a _boy_.”

“Hwannie, what—“

“You've been hiding our relationship for what,” Jaehwan let out a sinister laughter, mixed with breaking tears, “ _six years_? I just... I just can't handle this anymore, hyung.”

Jaehwan smiled as waves of wet water rained into his cheeks, “I want you to be _proud_ , I want you to be _happy_.” He wiped the incoming waves of tears at the corners of his eyes, “but you're not, hyung. I’m making you unhappy.”

“Stop this bullshit,” Minhyun demanded, embracing the younger with wide arms, “I love you so much, Hwannie.”

“You don't,” Jaehwan swiped at Minhyun's arms. They dropped pathetically to his sides, “If you loved me, you would be proud. You would march into restaurants holding my hand, telling the waiters that we were on a date. You would kiss me in front everyone, not just behind closed doors. You would...” Jaehwan faltered, gulping in salty waters, “You would be so proud of us.”

“You just don't get it,” Minhyun whispered, “there are people out there—“

“Like your father?” Jaehwan sneered, “Who the fuck _cares_? You're my boyfriend, for _fuck’s sake.”_

“Are you asking me to choose between you and family?” Minhyun exclaimed, “Fuck, come on Jaehwan. You can't do that.”

“Six years.” Jaehwan got up abruptly, shaking off Minhyun, “Were six years not worth it?”

“You know what,” Minhyun growled, “You have no idea what I went through, Jaehwan. It's not that simple—“

“So you've been saying” Jaehwan interrupted, snorting, “ever since we dated.”

“Maybe my father was right,” Minhyun snarled. The two were now in each other’s faces screaming, yelling on the top of their lungs, “I should just make this easy for myself, I should just date a girl instead of suffering in this god damn relationship with _you_.”

 

 _  
“Fuck you_ ,” Jaehwan spit at the ground, eyes dripping with tears and contempt, “ _Fuck you, Hwang Minhyun_.”

Stomping footsteps. A shaky sigh.

“ _I just.. I just need some space away from you for a while._ ”

A door click. A door closing.

Minhyun was left alone in the uncomfortable darkness of their home. The demons only attacked hard after the shock effect melted off, he could feel pain everywhere in his body.

He dropped to the floor, letting out whimpers. _Why did his heart hurt so much?_

 

 

 

  
** chapter title previews **

**chapter six—** the reveal: minhyun

 **chapter seven—** the reveal: daniel

 **chapter eight—** the reveal: jaehwan

_more chapters and story arcs to be revealed_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> acidheb i hope you guys aren't disappointed at this gosh sjshhwb
> 
> if you have questions, please comment! and also please comment what you thought was the reason for breakup! and dw the next three chapters will explain more on everything
> 
> [[ btw this is over 5k words! this is the longest yet i'm quite proud ]]
> 
> [ ily all! i'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted,, ]]


	6. the reveal: minhyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of violence, offensive language, cursing (but i've been doing this since chapter one), dramatized plot, and angst... a lot of angst.

July 2012

For the first time in six years, Minhyun was alone.

There was no Jaehwan at his side, cackling his loud laugh and pressing against Minhyun’s lips.

There was just lonely, sad space.

Minhyun knew he took it for granted, having a family while having a boyfriend. Although the two were complete opposites, total ends of the spectrum, Minhyun loved both with all his heart. _Letting them down? How could Minhyun ever do that_?

Yet Minhyun couldn't help but feel so... _empty_. He felt as if he just lost something just as important as oxygen. Maybe he did, as it felt like he couldn't breathe. Minhyun just sat on the hard wooden floor, in his own tears, confused and paralyzed.

 _What did Minhyun just do_? His hands trembled as if they were broken, broken as much as his heart.

Everything was silent, except for Minhyun's thoughts, that violently screamed and yelled at him from the inside. What did Minhyun just do?

The abrupt song of his phone rang. Reaching for the phone in his pocket, he croaked into the speaker, “Jinyoung?”

“Hyung, where are you?”

“Ah,” Minhyun tried to shake the pain off. Smiling as he wiped his tears off, he attempted at a bright tone, “I’m home.”

There was a curious pause. Jinyoung seemed hesitant at first, but he then spoke, “Hyung... have you been crying?”

Minhyun's bright tone faltered, his smile cracked. “Of course not,” Minhyun couldn't stop the trickle of tears that escaped, “Why would I?”

“Hyung, I’m coming over,” Jinyoung declared, clearly not believing a word, “Please don't cry.”

He heard the familiar end of a phone call. Minhyun tried to wipe his tears as fast as he could, but it was useless: they kept coming and coming like a never ending storm.

— ❥ —

“Hyung,” A desperate knock spoke through the door, “Please, open up.”

Jinyoung was met with full silence. “Hyung, if you don't open the door that video of your weird ass butt wiggle is going on the internet.”

“The door is unlocked,” Minhyun croaked as he grasped at his knees and feet that still rested on the floor.

“I stole mom’s money and bought ice cream,” Jinyoung sung as he opened the door with his right hand. His left hand was full with a familiar brown bag that branded a laughing cow with a crown of ice cream on its head.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” Minhyun snorted, pretty sure some salty tears and nasty eye boogers just went up his nose, “I’m a grown man.”

“Yes, a grown ass man sitting on the floor crying like baby,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, “You can handle some scary _King Cow’s Magical Snow Balls.”_

“Shut up.” Minhyun started to chuckle a bit, hastily drying the water on his wet cheeks.

“See?” Jinyoung gently smiled, now crouching down to his older brother, soft hand helping Minhyun wipe his tears, “You look less of a tragic mess when you smile.”

Minhyun scowled, trying to wrap his arms around his brother’s neck, “You little shit, come here.”

“No but seriously,” After some successful dodging of Minhyun's arm, Jinyoung’s smile turned into a straight line, crinkles of laughter gone from his face, “Please don't cry, no one deserves your tears.”

“You're like, what,” Minhyun snorted a whole load of snot and tears again, “ _eleven_.” Minhyun pinched his younger brother’s cheek with a chuckle, “When did you get all wise?”

“I’m not wise, I'm just wiser than you,” Jinyoung giggled and all Minhyun wanted to do was coddle his brother forever.

“It's just...” Minhyun dropped his arms to his sides and drew in a shaky breath, “boyfriend problems.”

“Is it dad again?” Jinyoung scowled, his smol head scrunched into an annoyed expression.

“No,” the older said a little too quickly. _Jinyoung didn't need to know._

“Well, what is it?” Jinyoung cocked his head sideways, big eyes humongous in curiosity.

“A fight,” Minhyun closed his eyes and sank into the ground, “a big fight.”

“A fight?” Jinyoung questioned, “You guys rarely fight.”

“This time it's different,” Minhyun sighed as he aggressively attacked his hair, “Youngie, this time... I don't know.”

“Then what are you doing here?” Jinyoung exclaimed. He jumped up in one smooth motion, tugging Minhyun’s arm towards the door, “ _Talk it out!”_

“Jinyoungie,” Minhyun refused to budge an inch, “I’m not sure.”

“Mom always said that talking things out were the best solution,” Jinyoung kept tugging on his brother’s arm to no avail.

“You were always a mama’s boy,” Minhyun hummed, yet still not moving one bit. _Was that fresh tears in his eyes?_

“Hyung,” Jinyoung gave up, exasperated and his little hands grasped at Minhyun’s face, “Do you love him?”

“Of course.” Minhyun furrowed his eyebrows, “Of course.”

“Then why are you _sitting_ here when you can go _talk_ to him?”

“I...” A dry spell overcame Minhyun's throat, “I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“He's already disappointed in me, youngie. I don't deserve to be his boyfriend.”

“ _Stop_.” His younger brother smacked his forehead with his tiny fingers, “Stop saying you don't deserve him. You _do_ deserve him. You're my amazing brother and some measly guitar goat isn't going to change that.”

“Did you just call Jaehwan a measly guitar goat?”

“Point is,” Jinyoung luxuriously waved off his comment, his tiny fingers flicking at his hyung’s head again, “Stop trying to appeal to everyone else. Speak up, hyung. You're amazing and deserving. Plus, no brother of mine is going to be as lame as you are right now.”

“You and that mouth,” Minhyun grumbled, tracing a scratch on the wooden floor.

“You tried to meet dad’s expectations and Jaehwan's expectations and now what? You can't meet everyone's expectations, hyung. _Do what you want.”_

A load of silence passed by, comforting yet emotional. The brothers stayed like that for a while, in a quiet embrace on the floor and a look of love and thanks from the older.

“Youngie?” Minhyun ruffled Jinyoung’s fluffy brown hair.

“Yes hyung?”

“I’m going to go get back the boy I love.”

Jinyoung smiled that precious smile of his and laughed, “I could never be more proud to call you my brother, hyunnie hyung.”

— ❥ —

For a majority of Minhyun’s life, he had only one goal in mind. With mechanical footsteps, he dragged through day after day like some kind of robot: constantly controlled and told what to do. It was his life mission to make his father happy and proud of him. One flicker of a smile on his father’s lips would leave Minhyun satisfied for weeks.

But Minhyun was never truly happy.

 _Minhyun do this, do that_. It wasn't as if Minhyun was ungrateful. He appreciated how far it got him— school president, 1st among his classmates in academics, music, and even a scholarship to the most prestigious school. But living like that, he couldn't help but feel so trapped and lonely in a never ending cycle.

It was only till his teacher told him to tutor a random freshman during his sophomore year. The kid was physically and mentally _exhausting_. “Hyung, what's a quadratic function?” “Oh my god hyung, dinosaurs were an _actual thing_?” “Fuck geometry, we should just learn how to make a million dollars instead.”

Yet there was something about this kid that just sparked thrill in his heart. When they kissed, Minhyun felt scared and rebellious, yet he couldn't let go. He was instantly lured into the mess that was Kim Jaehwan.

Cheesy cliché alert: Kim Jaehwan had stolen his heart.

However, not only did Minhyun spark the rebellious Romeo inside him, he also sparked an instaneous war between his overwatching father. He felt like a fraud, terrified at even the thought of confrontation, acting like he could handle both his desires and his father.

Jaehwan just didn't get it. He truly loved his boyfriend, with all his heart and soul. He would never wish to make Jaehwan cry or feel upset, the boy was the most precious being in the whole goddamn universe.

But Minhyun felt as if he was being suffocated, unable to fight:

“Gays are going to hell."

  
“I want to reveal our relationship, hyung.”

  
“Minhyun, father knows best.”

  
“Hyung, do you love me?”

On top of his father, many people weren't accepting of them together. It broke Minhyun’s heart to be called a monster, a person deemed for hell.

What could he do? He loved a boy too much to break up with him.

Jinyoung was right. He was an adult; it was _his_ damn turn to choose what he wanted.

What he wanted right now was to hold hands with his beloved boyfriend with their noses high in pride. What he wanted right now was to be happy, doing things based on his own choices and decisions. What he wanted was to finally be free of any ridiculous expectation his father had him chained to.

It took him twenty-one years too long to realize and to speak out. It was about time he was allowed to smile without a care in the world.

— ❥ —

“This is why homophobia is a terrible evil:   
it disguises itself as concern while it is inherently hate.”  
― Tyler Oakley, _Binge_

— ❥ —

A heavy silence sat in between two men, one hunched in anxiety and the other powered up into a glowering stance.

 _Where did all that confidence go_? Minhyun wondered too.

He had walked in, wide in his footsteps and back stretched into a proud stride, and then...

back to the same, shriveled up, scared hunch as he came face to face with his father.

“There's someone I like,” Minhyun said, shakily holding onto all the strength he had. He breathed in and out big sighs, trying to remember what his little brother said.

_“You tried to meet dad’s expectations and Jaehwan's expectations and now what? You can't meet everyone's expectations, hyung. Do what you want.”_

With one last huge breath, Minhyun pulled the forgotten treasure out of his weighted pockets. The golden ring, still shining after how many weeks? Long, numerous weeks of holding onto the ring, which now, for the first time, was able to breath fresh air and see the light.

“I...” Minhyun gulped, trying not to look anywhere but his father, “I want to marry that person.”

A rumble. Then a low, intimidating growl. “I take it,” his father folded his arms and narrowed his eyes, “you didn't like the girl I told you to see?”

“I’m sorry,” Minhyun clenched his shirt, “I just didn't like her.”

“ _Why_?” His father scoffed, rolling his eyes, “She was perfect for you!”

“That's what _you_ think.” Minhyun, who suddenly followed his father’s power stance, “Have you ever, for _once_ , thought about what I want?”

“You ignorant fool,” his father furiously glared, “I know what's best for you.”

“You don't,” Minhyun glared right back, slamming the table between them, “I’m so _fucking miserable_ , doing everything you tell me. This girl? I don't like her. Why? Because—”

His tongue dared to tangle up and his heart temporarily stopped in fear. _Was this it_? _Was this going to be the moment he told his father_? To be honest, Minhyun was scared out of his wits. He panicked in the inside, even more so as his father looked on with expecting eyes.

The moment he was so scared of, yet he so longed for: coming out. He felt so disgusted and ashamed; _so many_ were going to be so disappointed with him.

But then— the warmth of Jaehwan’s smile, the happy memories, the sweet and intoxicating kisses —all these thoughts flooded his mind.

The way how Jaehwan looked so dazzling in his arms,

                     How happy every second and minute felt with Jaehwan,

                                          Every smile, every kiss, every hug, every day with Jaehwan.

_It was too precious; how could he ever lose that?_

“Because I like a _boy_.” Minhyun spit out, lips curling into a smile, “And if heaven is anything like what you said, I'd much rather go to hell with him, than with you.”

“I just wanted to be happy” Minhyun laughed bitterly, “And when I’m with him... I'm the happiest man in the world.”

“Happiest _man_ ,” his father seethed, reaching for his son’s hair and grasping his head, “You're a _man. Men don't fuck men, you disgusting faggot_.”

“Whoops, we already did it,” Minhyun grinned, trying not to whine in pain as his father pulled with more force, “guess I’m going to hell.”

“You _naive_ little thing,” the old man boomed a snarky laugh and threw him to the ground, “Is this how you pay your father back? After _all_ I did for you?

Once I’m done with you,” The tall figure loomed over Minhyun on the floor, “You're getting the _hell_ out of my house and you're never coming back.”

— ❥ —

Minhyun's body ached, his stomach curled in pain, and his leg screamed yet he barely even noticed. All he could think of how Jaehwan would be so proud of him, how Jaehwan would be so happy. Minhyun was finally free of the burden that had been haunting him since birth.

 _I finally told father, I’m finally free_.

Minhyun raced for his car at the fastest pace he could manage, and dove for his keys. Grimacing a little as he stepped on the pedal, Minhyun reached for his phone, to call Jaehwan to tell him what he just did.

Anxiety creeped up his throat as the phone rang and rang, to no avail. Well, they did just fight hours ago.

His foot pounced on the pedal as he urged the car to run.

 _Jaehwan's things were still in their shared apartment... There was still time to convince Jaehwan and bring him back_...

The car skidded to a halt as Minhyun rushed to their apartment.

“Hwannie,” Minhyun called, breathless as he dragged his hurt foot behind him, “Are you here?”

No answer.

“Hwannie,” Minhyun laughed, despite the icky blood drying at the side of his mouth, “I did it, I finally did it.”

Still, no answer.

 _Maybe Jaehwan wasn't home yet_? Minhyun pondered as he searched the rooms of their humble abode.

Trying not to curse under his breath, he quietly decided to wait as he made his way towards the bathroom to find their medical supplies.

With staggering steps, Minhyun couldn't help but smile as he made his way towards the bathroom.

 _He did it, he really did it. Minhyun was finally free_. In the mirror, Minhyun could see a distinct smile under the bloody mess.

He reached to open the cabinet, where the medical supplies, even humming a little happy tune as his hands made way to the band-aids.

But something was strange, something was missing in the cabinet. Minhyun eyed the big ceramic mug that held their toiletries.

 _Where was Hwannie’s toothbrush_?

 _Did... had Jaehwan already left_?

Dropping the gauze in his hand to the floor, Minhyun wildly hunted through their things.

Jaehwan’s clothes in the closet, gone.  
Jaehwan’s instruments in their little office, gone.  
Jaehwan’s pictures, all gone except for one, a picture of them, torn into two.

_Fuck, shit, no, no, no, no._

It was too late. Minhyun was too late.

 _Jaehwan was already gone_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back!! it's been... two months? oh gosh i apologize for going missing, school has been awful. this chapter was short too, but weekly updates are coming back (at least)!!
> 
> and speaking of updates, was this chapter ok? it's... quite angsty. remember, jaehwan has his reasons, which include daniel so i hope you'll look forward to it!
> 
> ps- thank you for over 4K hits and 250 kudos!!! i really really am grateful to everyone who supports this story :)


	7. the reveal: daniel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: offensive language, mentions of violence, dramatized plot, homophobia, and cursing.

July 2012

The plan was set: walk in without breaking a sweat, flash a charming puppy smile, sway the interviewers with his eloquent speech and get the job.

He had already messed up at step one.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel gasped as he ran in, streams of sweat licking the side of his head, “I’m totally late but it was because of this annoying car—“

He halted at the sight of the unamused secretary, her arms heavily poised in a cross pose. “Mr. Kang, I presume?”

Daniel gulped, his hand was shaking an awful lot now, “yes, sir— I mean, ma’am because, uh, you're a lady, but definitely not that I’m assuming your gender, sir— I mean ma’am, I mean _god dammit_ —“

“Mr. Kang?” The lady was looking at him with the most deadliest glare.

“Yes?” Daniel squeaked.

“They're waiting for you in room 101,” The scary lady pointed to a clear-walled room to the left. He could already see the stern, disappointed stares of the interviewers through the glass.

“Thank you, uh, secretary ladyman.” Daniel weakly stated as he anxiously walked to the interviewers.

Well, wasn't this off to a terrible start.

— ❥ —

Did Daniel say he screwed up step one? Never mind, he screwed up _all_ the steps. Charming puppy smile? Only if a strangled half-sob, half-smile counted as one.

Letting out a big sigh and giving himself the biggest smack on the head, Daniel sulked as he walked down the streets of the glowering city.

“Babe,” Daniel puppy pouted as he called his boyfriend, “I think I should just run away to Switzerland and fulfill my dreams of being the cat lady on the street.”

“Sweetie, you _are_ the cat lady on the street.”

“Well then why is being a cat lady so _hard_?” Daniel whined into the phone, “I thought all they needed to do was pet little kitties all day long.”

Even through the phone, Seongwoo’s melodic laughter was clear as day, “I’m taking that the interview didn't go so well?”

“Who needs a job when I have you to take care of me,” Daniel cooed. _Please don't be mad, please don't be mad, please don't be mad—_

“Oh _honey_ ,” Daniel could feel the death scowl of his boyfriend through the phone, “I’m afraid sugar daddies are just horribly out of style now, _babe_.” Cue a murderous emphasis on _babe_.

Daniel shivered with goosebumps in fright of a very angry Ong.

He nervously laughed, “Can't you at least give me some words of comfort?”

“What are we?” Seongwoo scoffed, “a loving heterosexual couple?”

“I love you too, Mr. Ong.”

“Oh, I am so going to murder you when you come back.”

“Isn't today Jisung hyung’s big day? I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a dead Daniel at his wedding.”

Seongwoo scowled, “Whatever, Mr. Kang. I can't wait to strangle you in your sleep.”

“Ooh kinky.”

“You motherfu—“ _beep_.

Ah, he could always rely on his boyfriend to make him feel better.

— ❥ —

Daniel might've just fucked up a very important job interview, but he took solace under the gentle hand of the sky. The eerie streets were deadly quiet and the tall street lamps hummed with yellow light.

It was calm, which was nice, especially since he knew Jisung’s very soon wedding would probably turn out to be an alcoholic teenage party for working men (come on, Jisung invited the _Hotshot hyungs_. That was like asking for a bachelor party at a wedding).

Daniel snorted as he walked down the quiet streets. He couldn't wait to go back home

“ _oof_ ”

to Seongwoo and drink his

 _“please stop_!”

failures away with his buddies

 _“I’m begging you, please, just please stop_...”

Jaehwan and Jisung and Sungwoon

_“Someone help! Please help me, god...”_

and _fuck’s sake_ , someone needed help.

Daniel glanced at the source of the sudden noise that came from the alleyway. _Oh my god, was it finally Daniel’s time to shine as the cheap Korean version of Batman_?

In all seriousness, someone sounded like they needed serious help. As Daniel neared the alleyway, he could hear whimpers and cries of a small boy, gasping for help.

“You fucking fag,” a menacing voice sneered, “I knew you were desperate, but I didn't know you screwed dicks too.”

A second voice growled, “This little bitch just couldn't help himself. I guess being a sick pervert is ‘just the way he is’ as the little queer freaks like to call it.”

A third cruelly laughed as the little boy begged. “Please,” he sobbed, Daniel could see the numerous kicks and bruises the kid endured littered all over his body, “I didn't do anything to you, _please_ let me go.”

The boy cried out, face shining with tears and red, desperately reaching out towards the exit of the alleyway. The three big men did not stop, nor cared, as they thundered crude jokes onto the frail frame of the tiny kid.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Daniel shouted as he rushed in, “ _Stop_!” He halted as he saw the huge frames of the three brutes who appeared before him. _Well, it was too late now_.

“Ugh, so _annoying_ ,” one of the ugly thugs murmured to other. Another yelled, “This is business with just me and the kid; _stay out of it_.”

“Business?” Daniel harshly spit out, “This isn’t business, this is outright crime.”

A thug rolled his eyes, “What's it to you?”

“How _dare_ you beat up someone because of their sexual orientation,” Daniel seethed, cracking his fists, “He's just a boy, you fucking monsters.”

“We’re not the monster,” one of them smiled, “he is.” The guy pointed to the knocked down little boy, who was struggling to get up on his own.

“Who looks like the real monster,” Daniel glowered, “The little boy on the ground or the grown ass men who beat the little boy up? Grow the fuck up and be mature, you dumbshits. A gay man is _not_ your enemy.”

“Shut the fuck up,” one grunted, “Ignore him.” The three thugs shrugged and started to lift their fists and legs again; the small boy whimpered in pain.

“ _Wait_!”

“I swear,” a thug growled, “I’m going to beat you the fuck up if you don't move along.”

“Do it.” Daniel glared at the cruel villains, “Let me take his place. Beat me up. You want a gay man to beat up? I’m as gay as they get, boys.”

“Kid, you got a five second head start to run away,” one nudged the boy’s bruised head with his dirty combat boot, “We have an annoying _pest_ to get rid of.”

— ❥ —

“I hate the word homophobia. It’s not a phobia.   
You’re not scared. You’re an asshole.”  
— Morgan Freeman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is sad until you realize i made daniel's last words to seongwoo "ooh kinky."
> 
> but in all seriousness, i don't know or have been in a fight or been bullied. all i know is that people do go through this shit just for being gay, and i wanted to portray that (i don't know if i did it right,, but i tried). and yes, this is how daniel (the character) died.
> 
> this isn't a chapter that impacts the plot much nor gives you answers on what happened (it's background on daniel's story), so it's short. to make up for it, jaehwan's chapter is coming this week! biweekly update yayy
> 
> thank you for reading and pls leave kudos and comments! ♡
> 
> edit: *awkward laughter* biweekly update??? when did i ever say that?? new chapter coming real real soon! (uh please blame my teacher for giving me a sudden research paper)


	8. the reveal: jaehwan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter turned out much darker than i expected. please, if you can't handle violence, angst, or death, do not read.

July 2012

_“Maybe my father was right. I should just make this easy for myself, I should just date a girl instead of suffering in this god damn relationship with **you**_.”

Jaehwan tried his best to hold his tears in.

He did a pretty decent job, actually. Sure, he looked like a sad goat with saggy cheeks, but he held it in pretty damn well, even with odd face contortations.

Biting on his bottom lip, he reached for the doorbell, shivering finger and all.

“Jaehwan?” A tall figure widened his eyes as he saw Jaehwan in his doorway, “What happened?”

“S-seongwoo,” Jaehwan stuttered, tears started to form at the corners of his eyes.

_God damn it, I was doing so well._

“Baby,” Seongwoo reached out for the vulnerable younger. Caressing Jaehwan's head between his shoulder blades and his warm hands, Seongwoo soothed the younger.

It didn't really calm Jaehwan down. Actually, Jaehwan became the total opposite of calm. He burst into a fit of tears as his head hit Seongwoo’s body, his breathing turned strangled under the salty streams of water.

“I-I don't k-know what to do,” Jaehwan sobbed into the now wet shirt of Seongwoo, “I’m s-so hurt and s-scared and—“

“I know, I know,” Seongwoo murmured as he stroke Jaehwan's hair in a serene manner, “Let it all out, then talk.”

So Jaehwan cried and cried and cried, so much until Seongwoo's shirt was just of a mess as Jaehwan. They stood in the doorway of Seongwoo and Daniel’s home, rocking back and forth comfortably.

When Jaehwan calmed down (after what seemed like an infinity of hours), Seongwoo smiled and pinched Jaehwan's cheeks. Giving one last ruffle of the hair, Seongwoo hummed, “Let's go inside and you can tell me what happened.”

Jaehwan barely could agree before he was being dragged into a soft sofa seat and buried under a tower of blankets Seongwoo threw on top of him.

“Hot chocolate or coffee?” Seongwoo said, already busying himself in the kitchen.

“Hot chocolate.”

In a flash, two cups of steaming hot chocolate appeared before him. Seongwoo sat on the seat next to him, immediately going back to stroking his hair and wiping his left over tears.

“Tell me what happened,” Seongwoo purred.

Taking a deep breath, Jaehwan shook, trying not to cry again, “I-I told Minhyun hyung that we needed a break.”

Seongwoo widened his eyes, the shock left him still for a moment. “Why?” Seongwoo wrapped his arms around the younger, “Did you guys fight?”

There was a long pause. Then a shaky breath. Finally, a slight, pained whimper.

“Do you think he loved me?” Jaehwan looked at his cup of chocolate; the steam enveloped his puffy eyes. “Do you think hyung loved me?”

“Of course he did,” Seongwoo softly smiled, “He still loves you even now, sweetie.”

“Th-hen why,” Jaehwan gasped while his eyes shook with hurt, “W-why did I feel so abandoned? W-why did I always feel like he didn't want me? Why was he so afraid to love me?”

Jaehwan’s voice quivered with a broken crack, “ _Why wasn't I worth it?_ ”

Seongwoo watched as his best friend broke, and the scene shattered his heart. “Sometimes,” Seongwoo caressed the younger’s head, “sometimes the world is unfair and refuses to give you the happy ending you deserve. Jaehwan, I can bet on Daniel’s life that Hwang Minhyun loved you. I’m sure he had his reasons.”

Seongwoo smiled sadly as his best friend put his head in his hands, “I guess he just isn't the prince for your happily ever after.”

Jaehwan breathed in and out heavily. He willed himself to calm down, but his mind just seemed to refuse. “I really wanted him to be my prince,” Jaehwan whispered as he stared absent-mindedly at the floor. He was just so tired, so exhausted from everything that happened.

“Hey,” Seongwoo frowned and lifted Jaehwan’s head to meet his eyes, “Maybe he can still be your prince. If you just talk to him—“

“Not now.” Jaehwan straightened his back and tried to smile back at his best friend, “I-I just need a break from him now.”

“You're just in luck,” Seongwoo laughed, squeezing Jaehwan until the boy hit him for breath, “I heard Jisung hyung bought loads of alcohol for his wedding today.”

“Ah, our mom is finally getting married.” Jaehwan forced himself to let out a giggle. “Let's get ourselves cleaned up,” Jaehwan pointed at the tear stains on both their shirts, “We have a wedding to go to.”

“And embarrassing, drunk Hotshot hyungs to film,” Seongwoo suddenly grinned like the devil on Earth.

— ❥ —

“By the way, where's Daniel? He’s always following you around like some giant, lost puppy.” Jaehwan smirked as they drove to Jisung’s wedding in Seongwoo’s car.

“At some job interview,” Seongwoo smacked Jaehwan on the forehead, “He actually called me right before you came.”

“Oh?”

“I’m most likely becoming a sugar daddy, Jaehwan,” Seongwoo sighed dramatically, “I’m going to strangle that kid when he comes home.”

— ❥ —

For the most part, Jaehwan grew up in a loving environment: caring parents, nice neighborhood, fantastic friends; he really couldn't have asked for more.

The only awful thing about his child life was probably his grades (and maybe that he was a lonely gay virgin— he tried to be positive about it, though.) So of course, when the top student of their school ~~was forced~~ offered to tutor him, he didn't dare to say no. Jaehwan admits asking if dinosaurs ever existed was a _bit_ over the top, but he just seemed to _love_ aggravating the older. Minhyun’s eyes would always look as if they were about to explode— Jaehwan thought it was the cutest thing ever.

And when the all hailed class president first kissed him, Jaehwan already knew that he was totally fucked because, well, Hwang Minhyun had him wrapped along his long, beautiful finger. Who knew what kept Jaehwan infatuated with Minhyun all these years— all Jaehwan cared about was that Minhyun was his wonderful, incredible boyfriend he couldn't live without.

That feeling started to fade, however, as six years zoomed by.

“Jaehwan, you just don't understand.”

So Jaehwan tried desperately to understand, listened carefully, waited patiently, and loved hard. But shaky six years were starting to trap him. The voilent void of loneliness and bitterness caught up. He wanted to be able to do what any other couple did— kiss without fear, hug without shame, love without feeling like they owed the world something —but it tore his heart that he couldn't.

“ _Hyung, are you ashamed of me?”_

Jaehwan always knew the answer was yes. He just had hoped and begged fate for it not to be.

He loved Minhyun too much to go against him

And maybe that was Jaehwan’s downfall.

— ❥ —

Okay, so the wedding didn't go so well.

Well, that was an understatement. The wedding was beyond terrible— it was a wedding carriage violently thrown off its little white wheels and into the most loathsome, devastating corners of unjust hell where the worst criminals were death sentenced.

Jaehwan just didn't understand. What kind of rotten luck was following him around? Why did it have to be Daniel? Why... why did the fates hate him so much?

“ _The patient won't be able to make it. I am so sorry, please be prepared for what's coming next.”_

 _Bullshit_. Jaehwan seethed. _No, this wasn't happening. No, he did not just lose his closest friend— a comrade, a best friend, a brother, Jaehwan’s hero._ Jaehwan’s eyes stuttered at the sight of the lifeless man laid in front of him. Blood seeped the blankets and bruises scraped all over the body.

He refused to believe that was his best friend.

No, the Daniel he knew was always dancing with life, spreading his positive puppy smile and unrelentless reliable shoulders to lean on. No, the Daniel he knew fought hard, never bowing to the end.

Yet the man before him sung only to the rythym of a hospital siren, melody stiff as it rung the death bell.

No, Daniel couldn't be dead.

Next to Jaehwan, wailing sobs came from the very lives that Daniel had touched the most: his family, his friends, and of course, Seongwoo.

Seongwoo was a broken body on the floor, barely breathing. The older cried nothing like before, grasping at the nearest things as if it would being Daniel back. Anger had denounced him and acceptance took the reigns, slumping down into a teary mess.

The doctor could only watch, eyes comforting them as he had seen this scene infinitely before. The nurses cast their eyes in respect of the death of a brilliant man.

Jaehwan, however, didn't understand, couldn't just accept. _How could this have happened?_

“I’m sorry to intrude,” the doctor lightly interrupted their mourning, “but there's more.” The white jacketed man hesitantly glanced at little Jihoon, who stood in the back with silent tears hitting the floor. “It might be too sensitive for young eyes,” the doctor softly suggested.

“I’m not leaving,” Jihoon shakily glared.

“Jihoon-ah,” Jisung, who had been deadly quiet throughout it all, finally spoke, “Let's go outside with hyung.”

“No—“ Jihoon started, only to be met with a thousand pleading eyes. “Fine,” the little boy looked away, slight water about to fall from his eyes.

Once the boy left, the doctor solemnly nodded, “It seems the patient was attacked—“

“ _Attacked by who_?” Seongwoo angrily hissed, “why would anyone do such a thing?”

“Well,” the doctor stopped momentarily, only to stare sadly. “See for yourself.”

The doctor lifted Daniel’s shirt a bit, to reveal painful black scratches, scrawled with black marker. Seongwoo sobbed harder as he saw the marks. Daniel’s mom cried out as she looked away. Even the nurse shed a tear and a gasp, quickly blocking a shocked yell at her lips.

Ugly bruises underlined the words _pervert, gay, slut, faggot_ sprawled everywhere. Almost like a sick branding, a disgusting label across his body.

The consequences had indeed fell from the stars.

Jaehwan couldn't help but feel extreme rage crashing on him like a stormy ocean, thunder of anger coursing his blood.

_How could somebody have done this? How could someone be so sick, so despicable to do this crime? How could this have happened?_

Jaehwan just felt disgust curl his fists. _Did people really hate boys liking boys that much?_

And then it hit him.

In a selfish second, Minhyun flashed through his mind.

“Jaehwan, you just don't understand.”

Now Jaehwan understood too well, too much that it wanted to make him hurl.

What if that was Minhyun laying on the hospital bed?  
What if that was Minhyun with those monstrous black scars on him?  
What if that was Minhyun who was dead, _because of him_?

A fear, a trauma enveloped his mind.

Jaehwan knew what he had to do now.

For the good of Minhyun and Jaehwan both.

— ❥ —

On the way out, Jihoon came up to him immediately. “What happened hyung?” Jihoon begged, salty drops all over his face, “Tell me what happened.”

Jaehwan glanced at Seongwoo, who shook his head violently.

Jaehwan attempted at a smile, “The doctor was telling us how your brother died a hero.” He hugged the little boy, “He said Daniel saved someone from an attack.”

Jihoon was silent for a while, and then he looked up at him with a quiet request for consolation.

Collectively they cried, hugging each other with desperate closeness. Jaehwan wasn't lying: today marked the death of a hero.

— ❥ —

“You done?” Sewoon leaned against the doorway, never leaving his eyes off Jaehwan.

Jaehwan rushed to pack all his things from their (thankfully) Minhyun-less apartment, “Almost.” He lugged his giant speaker with a strained huff, “Help a hyung out, Jung Sewoon.”

“Of course,” Sewoon sadly smiled at the older, who was obviously trying not to break down, “Are you sure you want to just leave?”

“No more pain,” Jaehwan muttered, “I don't want Minhyun hyung to be in pain anymore.”

“You have only seconds to take that back,” Sewoon sighed, pulling the speaker with light force, “We just about packed all your stuff.”

“I’m sure I want to do this,” Jaehwan whispered. He turned his gaze at the rocking picture on the wall, “Ah, one more thing.”

He slipped the picture out of its frame and trickled his fingers around Minhyun’s face. “I have to make him think I hate him.” Jaehwan finally sobbed as he ripped the picture in half, their smiling faces no longer stuck together.

“Let's go,” Sewoon reached out his hand, and Jaehwan grabbed it as if it was the only warmth he had.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehwan left those final words into the freezing silence of Minhyun’s apartment.

The vroom of a leaving car had never been so clear.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> confession: when i wrote the first chapter of this fic, i had absolutely no idea myself on why minhwan broke up (in this story). this fic wasn't even supposed to be that angsty. it was supposed to focus more on them getting back together than their break up.
> 
> in short, the story was never supposed to be this dark. but something happened in my life concerning homophobia, and it somehow seeped into the plot of this fic. what really inspired this plot too was "it's a deal" by laiguanlins (please read! even though it's panwink, it's really good) where it talked about issues like these.
> 
> i also want to make clear that this story is exaggerated for angsty purposes, but still, i really wanted plot that spoke of people's struggles. i don't know if i succeeded though.
> 
> i broke the story up into two story arcs. arc one finishes here. arc two, i promise, is much much much happier and hopeful. i have to somehow mend the mess i made and get minhwan back together ><  
> thank you for reading! i'm always touched by your support. xx


	9. chapter nine ☀

December 2017 

Minhyun never forgot Jaehwan.

Back when they dated, Jaehwan was always the strong, flickering flame in the midst of the overwhelming darkness. The world was a bit too much, but it was okay because Jaehwan.

Everything was okay because Jaehwan.

At first, Minhyun hated that bright side. He thought Jaehwan was too naive and too innocent. After all, the sun was not precise but messy. It gave its light to anywhere and anyone, no matter who or what deserved it. Most importantly, it never saw the shadows and remained high in the sky without foreseeing the night.

But the world can not live without the sun. When Minhyun thought the world was too dark, Jaehwan just added more sun and so he had actual _happiness_ in his life.

But the world can’t live without the sun. Minhyun knows well because he had lived quite a while without his source of light. It was dark without Jaehwan. He lived only dreaming of seeing his sunshine again.

The day he saw Jaehwan, when he came to their home to tutor Jihoon, a sigh of relief over came him. It was as if he was able to breathe again. Or for the horny folks out there, it felt as if "No Nut November” was over. Yeah, it was _that_ good.

But Jaehwan was still just as beautiful. His eyes still made Minhyun weak in the knees. His hands were just as thin and nimble. Minhyun wished those hands touched his face.

Minhyun, however, noticed a change in Jaehwan. He just wasn’t as bright as before. His eyes were darker and his back was always hunched. It felt as if he saw the world twice over.

Minhyun wondered why.

*

Daehwi and Jinyoung were wearing matching Christmas sweaters as they shopped around the mall. They were fluffy, warm, and red.

Who are _they_? You, my dear and very intelligent reader, may ask because you know that the subject of a language rule-abiding sentence should be specific and grammatical. Well, it was both the sweatshirts and our cute Jinhwi, as the two boys were all smiley and warm ~~and all over each other~~. They were also very red from all the lovey dovey uwu vibes.

They walked through the mall with arms linked together, laughing from all the lame jokes coming from both boys.

“Hyung!” Daehwi giggled as he eyed a reindeer headband in a nearby store, “put this on.”

Jinyoung abides because Daehwi asks in a really cute way, and also because Daehwi would complain to him all day if he did not.

“You’re so cute,” Daehwi teased as he pinched Jinyoung’s cheeks.

Jinyoung turns red as a reindeer’s nose. He blushed as he said cheekily, “You’re even cuter.” Daehwi blushed alongside his crush. The two giggled.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Guanlin whined as he trailed behind the two, “ _get a fucking room_.”

Jinhwi jumped as they broke their linking arms to stare at the tall boy glaring at them. “Since when were you here?” Daehwi blinked.

Guanlin rolled his eyes, “since like _twenty minutes_ ago?!!”

“Oh,” Jinyoung coughed, suddenly embarrassed. He cleared his throat, “Where’s your boyfriend?”

The tall boy pouted, “Trying to fix your brother’s love life? What the fuck are _you_ doing while Jihoon is trying to save Minhwan?”

“Hey I didn’t even know we were doing that today!” Jinyoung protested, “Minhyun hyung wasn’t even home yesterday!”

Guanlin scowled as he stuck out the middle finger, “Whatever, I’m gonna leave this lame fest. I’m going to get Seonho so we can raid the bubble tea stand.”

“So you’re not staying?” Daehwi teased.

“Oh _hell_ no,” Guanlin glared once again, “I’m going to go cleanse my eyeballs and ears.”

While the tall chick left, all the while grumbling of course, Daehwi grinned to Jinyoung, and a knowing smile bloomed his face. “Hot chocolate?” Daehwi winked as he pointed to a hot chocolate stand nearby.

Jinyoung smiled back as he nodded “Hot chocolate.”

 

 

(They realized later on that they had accidentally stole the reindeer headband, but Daehwi, being the kind little bub that he was, went back and paid for it. He thought it looked too cute on his hyung for him not to.)

*

“ _How do you always end up in my bed_?” Jaehwan asked. His face was blood red as he stared at Minhyun sipping tea (that Jihoon supplied for him) calmly at his side.

“This time,” Minhyun couldn’t help the smirk climbing up his cheek, “this was completely your fault.”

Jaehwan’s face changed into an even redder shade, a shade Minhyun didn’t even knew existed. Currently, the younger was just woken up and standing next to the bed, frowning as he faced Minhyun. Minhyun couldn’t help but chuckle at his ex’s hungover morning mess, hair flying in all different directions with the cutest angry face in the world.

“Whatever,” Jaehwan tugged at Minhyun’s shirt, “get out.”

Minhyun almost bit his tongue as he choked on his tea. “ _Wait, wait, wait_ ,” Minhyun pouted as the glass cup made a delicate sound against the bedside table, “wait, let me talk to you for a second.”

Jaehwan sighed as he crossed his arms, “You have ten seconds.”

“Well—“

“ _10, 9…_ ”

“I just wanted to—“

“ _7, 6, 5…_ ”

“—tell you that—“

“ _4, 3…_ ”

“Jaehwan, can you just _listen_ to me!” Minhyun screamed, unknowingly even to himself. His mouth had moved before his mind could think, which was odd for him, being the neat, careful person that he was. But again, Jaehwan always made him do the craziest things.

Minhyun’s throat now hurt. So did his heart. So did the silence that filled the air.

Jaehwan glared at the ground and then gave him a look so loud, he did not need to speak.

But it was (physically) quiet.

“I—“ Minhyun did not know how he felt. Desperate? Scared? Sad? Angry? Probably all four.

He looked down, and a certain angry mark caught his eyes. It was on his ankle, which peeked between his black denim jeans and his socks. A dull, brown scar inched up his lower leg. He remembered the numb bruise that had decorated his entire calf back in July 2012. He furrowed his eyebrows and remembered the sharp pain all over his shivering body. Most of all, he remembered who he had endured the pain for.

 

_Jaehwan_

 

was finally there before him. The guy that he had wished so hard to see was right before him. He had missed the boy so much. He had so many unsaid words, so many memories to share, so many explanations to give.

He reached for the younger’s hand. Jaehwan didn’t move it away. _Progress_.

“I’ve been trying to stay away, because that’s what you want,” Minhyun whispered. His hands were inching up Jaehwan’s waist and was now hugging Jaehwan tight, as if the younger was going to go away again if he let go. “I swear I’ve changed. I can hold your hand when we go to a restaurant. I want to kiss you in front of everyone. I can do whatever you want,” Minhyun begged as he leaned his head against Jaehwan’s thigh, “I can do it as long as you’re with me. I can’t just— I can’t just let you go now that I’ve found you. I swear I can be better, I swear I can be better, please, _please_ —“

“ _Hyung_.” Minhyun felt nimble fingers stroke his hair. His eyes lifted up to meet Jaehwan’s beautiful brown eyes and—

_Why was Jaehwan looking so blurry_?

Jaehwan crouched down to meet Minhyun’s eyes. Minhyun swore he saw Jaehwan chuckle for just a second; it was gone after a flicker of a moment. Jaehwan’s hands trickled over Minhyun’s cheeks as he wiped away the other’s salty tears.

“ _Shh, Shh, please don’t cry_.” Jaehwan almost looked as if he himself was also going to cry any second.

“I missed you so much,” Minhyun was now aware he was full on bawling, “ _Why did you leave? Please don’t hate me, Hwannie, I’m so sorry—_ ”

Jaehwan’s hands hovered over Minhyun’s face, drying all the tears as soon as they fell from Minhyun’s eyes. The younger’s thumb gently rubbed Minhyun’s cheekbone, and the older closed his eyes, desperately trying feel the touch of Jaehwan’s skin on his again.

“I could never hate you,” Jaehwan whispered softly. Their faces inched closer together until their foreheads touched. “I’m just so scared,” Jaehwan whimpered, “that every time I see you, I’m going to fall in love all over again.”

Their mouths hovered over the other’s for what seemed like an eternity. Slowly, though, Minhyun drew his lips even closer. Minhyun could smell the scent of the strawberry shampoo that he knew Jaehwan used ever since he was young.

“It’s ok,” Minhyun mumbled delicately as he held onto the other’s shoulders tightly, "please do."

Then their lips touched, and so did their tongues. They stopped once to take a breath and then their lips touched again, this time with much more desperation and hunger and lust.

It felt like forever until Jaehwan broke their kiss. The younger looked down with his head hung. His arms shook as he pushed away from his ex.

“Jaehwan—“

“You should leave,” Jaehwan’s lips were red and puffy and beautiful. His eyes, however, were dull and lost and refused to look at Minhyun.

“Please—“

“Just go,” Jaehwan said sternly.

Minhyun slowly stood and headed for the door. As Minhyun left, he looked at Jaehwan one last time, a tear trickling down his cheek.

 

 

Jaehwan didn’t even spare a glance.

*

The marshmallows bobbed up and down in the delicious warmth of the hot chocolate. Daehwi hummed a Twice song as he sipped the brown liquid. Jinyoung tried to sneak glances at the other as he licked the whipped cream on his own lips.

“So,” Daehwi mused, “Tell me something.”

Jinyoung let out a nervous laugh, “That’s vague, Hwi. I don’t know what to say.”

Daehwi paused for a few seconds, thinking. Then, his eyes brightened, “What about any concerns? Issues?” Daehwi shot the other a finger heart, “I can make any bad thing better for you.”

Jinyoung almost burnt his tongue and choked at how cute the other was. His cheeks grew red as he scratched his head. “Well,” he started, “I’m kind of worried about my brother.”

Daehwi furrowed his eyebrows, “How so?”

“He, uh,” Jinyoung frowned, “has been through a lot.”

Daehwi nodded, and Jinyoung continued, “The whole ‘Jaehwan’ thing, you know? Like, I want my brother to be happy, but I also don’t want his heart broken?”

The older looked at his younger, who had a poker face.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung scrunched his face, “I’m bothering you with all this emotional crap.”

“No, no,” Daehwi ferociously shook his head, “I’m just thinking.”

“About…?”

“Did… something happen?” Daehwi carefully watched the other, “I don’t mean to be nosy but…”

Jinyoung froze for a few seconds and then sighed, “Yeah, something did happen.” He sipped his hot chocolate. Daehwi could see that the hand holding the mug was suddenly slightly trembling. “I never told this to anyone, but my dad is… not a good person.”

Jinyoung stared at Daehwi. Daehwi encouraged him to go on. “My parents divorced because my dad…” Jinyoung winced, “He beat my brother when my dad found out he was gay.” Jinyoung set down the mug. He was afraid he would drop it from shaking too much. “It was like the last straw for my mom. They fought so much, and she finally left him once she saw Minhyun hyung getting stitches in the hospital.” Jinyoung let out a huge sigh. “It was all my fault, you know? I told him to go for it, and he did and then he…”

Jinyoung felt a sting in his eyes, and the next thing he knew, Daehwi was hugging him tightly. Jinyoung burrowed his head into the other’s fluffy red sweater. The younger soothed him by patting his back and head. Daehwi kissed the back of Jinyoung’s head as he muttered sadly, “It is not your fault, hyung. It’s your father’s fault.” Daehwi wrapped the older even closer. “There never is a right or wrong when it comes to coming out,” sadness filled Daehwi’s eyes, “All that matters is if people can accept others with love.”

The two held each other like that for several more minutes, maybe even hours, as they comforted each other. The looked like red sheep with their sweatshirts on. They were indeed fluffy, warm, and a blob of red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited and stuff so aha...  
> how long has it been? ten months??!! i'm so sorry about missing so much time, especially for a group that only has so little of it..
> 
> i was going through a lot of mental health issues, and i still struggle with them, but it has gotten so much better! i hope anyone out there struggling with mental health puts there health first instead of their own standards or other people. i beg you to always get an ear to listen, regardless if its a professional or a trusted friend, because life gets so much better once you tell someone.
> 
> i'm angry at myself that i've missed a lot of wanna one. i'm currently applying to college currently so it's not the brightest time for me, but i hope that i can spend the rest of wanna one's days as a devoted wannable. ofc, my wannable duties also lie on this site.
> 
> i apologize for everyone who wanted to see this story finished. i have received so many nice comments on here, and i'm so sorry to let you down. my goal (i'm not gonna promise that it will be kept though) will be to finish this before their last day.
> 
> ..so let's tango once more?


	10. chapter ten ☀

September 2006

 

The library was empty and quiet. The moon gently hit the windows, and its moonlight poured into the room. Two boys, one sitting at a desk and the other standing, faced each other. Minhyun, from his seat, observed the younger. He could see the other’s face flushed pink, even through the crappy lighting of the library’s lamps. 

 

“Nice to meet you,” Minhyun forced a smile because  _ no, it was not nice to meet you _ . He was a busy person, and he never thought he could fit ‘tutoring a loud and dumb kid’ into his schedule.

For the sake of politeness, though, he didn’t say such. He only put his hand out and said, “I’m Hwang Minhyun. I’m going to be your tutor.”

 

The other muttered something that Minhyun couldn’t exactly hear. “Excuse me?” Minhyun asked.  _ God, this was going to be a long day _ .

 

The younger’s eyes flitted around, almost like a lost puppy. “Nothing,” Jaehwan said quickly, biting his lip, already bright red from too much biting, “I’m Kim Jaehwan, the, uh,  _ tutoree _ or, you know, whatever you call it.”

 

Minhyun raised one of his eyebrows, “tutoree?”

 

The other let out a nervous giggle. “Uh,” the younger coughed, “Sorry. Just nervous.” Minhyun could see Jaehwan’s hands form fists of sweat as he looked around as if he was looking for an escape door. 

 

Minhyun’s eyes widened then softened, only realizing then how harsh his words probably had sounded. “It’s okay,” he said quietly, “don’t be nervous.” He patted the seat next to him. 

 

Jaehwan slowly nodded as he sat down next to Minhyun.

 

Minhyun was about to start ranting about chemistry when Jaehwan suddenly tugged his sweatshirt sleeve. The other looked down, barely talking and blushing. 

 

_ Quite the opposite of what he imagined the other to be. _

 

“Jaehwan?” Minhyun inquired. 

 

Jaehwan only but smiled lightly. The older could see little dimples in Jaehwan’s cheeks.

“You know,” Jaehwan muttered, “Thank you for doing this.”

 

“No problem,” Minhyun cleared his throat, “but, uh, why the sudden thank you?”

 

Jaehwan blinked, “Well, I know I’m a bit lacking in some subjects,” Jaehwan scrunched his face, “and I know I’m probably an inconvenience to you, but I promise to work hard.” His smile grew wider, “Everything is possible if you work hard.”

 

Minhyun paused for a second, staring at the younger in shock? Disbelief? Relief?  _ Who knew _ .

 

“That’s an… optimistic outlook,” Minhyun furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“It keeps me going,” Jaehwan shrugged. He twisted his mouth, and his dimples showed again.

 

“Well,” Minhyun probably wouldn’t have admitted it then, but there was a small smile on his face. He straightened his back and stared back at the boy’s bright eyes, “Then let’s keep going. Page 150 of the chemistry textbook.”

 

“I’m going to be the best student of yours, you’ll see.”

 

“Wow, that mythomania.”

 

They both were silent and then burst out laughing a few seconds later. Their laughs echoed through the dark library. Minhyun could now see Jaehwan’s crinkled eye smile a bit more clearly up close. It was kind of adorable.

 

Once Jaehwan calmed down, he took out his textbook and worked on the problems Minhyun pointed to.

 

_ Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to tutor this kid.  _

 

Minhyun grinned as he watched the other concentrate on a particularly long question about ionic bonds and whatnot. 

 

_ Yeah, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. _

 

*

December 2017

 

“I give up!” Jihoon exclaimed as he threw his hands in the air, “it’s like they can’t even be in the same room with each other!” The poor boy continued to almost accidentally hit his own face with his clumsy arms in the air.

 

“Uh,” Guanlin--which Jihoon may add, looked  _ great  _ in his grey hoodie, even through the low quality of his laptop screen--held in a laugh and cocked his head, “Maybe you should take a break from this whole Minhwan thing. You’re exhausting yourself.”

 

Jinyoung sighed at the lower left corner of Jihoon’s screen. “This sucks,” he pouted, “why must they insist on being sad, lonely potatoes.”

 

“ _ Potatoes _ ,” Woojin wistfully muttered in the lower right corner, “I would absolutely love some potatoes right now.”

 

Jihoon scowled as he stuck up the middle finger.  _ God, he wished he could strangle him through the screen _ . “Anyways,” Jihoon gave one more glare to his same-aged friend, “our ship is currently  _ sinking, _ and I am absolutely offended by that fact.”

 

“What are we supposed to do?” Daehwi asked, exasperated, through the screen, “We did everything possible!”

 

“Yeah,” Woojin said, now holding a-- was that a  _ fucking potato _ in his hand? “Maybe we shouldn’t interfere,” Woojin ate the goddamn potato, and Jihoon wanted to smack him.

 

Jihoon sighed as he rubbed his nose bridge. “Well,” Jihoon pouted, “Time to make Plan Z.” He could hear the others sigh along with him.

 

_ God, please help him. _

 

*

 

“Okay,” Jinyoung devilishly smiled, “He’s going to come any second.”

 

Jihoon groaned, “I really hope this works.”

 

The two boys were currently in Jinyoung and Minhyun’s house, huddled together in front of the window with binoculars that were practically half the size of Jinyoung’s face.

 

“Where’s your brother?” Jihoon looked to Jinyoung, “We kind of need him to be at his own house for this to work.”

 

Jinyoung shrugged, “He’s probably coming soon. Maybe he has a late shift at the university or something.”

 

“Hope not,” Jihoon pouted, “This is  _ literally _ Plan Z, Jinyoung. We’ve run out of letters at this point.”

 

“Well that’s because you make stupid plans,” Jinyoung playfully scowled and bumped shoulders with the older, “and we’ve wasted letters.”

 

Jihoon bumped shoulders back, “Hey, at least I-” The boy widened his eyes as he saw through his binoculars a familiar grey car drive around the corner. “Great,” Jihoon smirked, “That’s Jaehwan’s car.”

 

“Okay, okay, position-”

 

_ I like,  _ _ du-du-du-du-du-du  _

_ You like du-du-du-du-du-du  _

_ We like du-du-du-du-du-du _

 

“A call,” Jihoon hissed as he saw the grey car inch up more close, “right now. Seriously?”

 

Jinyoung rolled his eyes as he took out the vibrating phone out of his pocket. “Hey,” he brightened, “It’s Minhyun hyung!”

 

Jihoon’s eyes frantically looked at Jinyoung taking his call and Jaehwan, who was pulling up the driveway. “Jinyoung,” Jihoon warned.

 

Jinyoung ignored the other as the doorbell rang. “Get the door,” Jinyoung pointed to Jaehwan getting out of the car, “I’ll see where my brother is.”

 

The older stuck out his bottom lip as he dragged his feet to the door, worriedly looking at Jinyoung every five seconds.

 

“Jaehwan hyung!” Jihoon yelped as he opened the door, “What’s up?”

 

Jaehwan chuckled, a puff of smoke coming out of his mouth due to the freezing temperature. “Let’s go,” he said as he tightened his jacket around him, “I have a song idea in my head that I want to put on paper.”

 

Jihoon frantically looked to Jinyoung, who currently was on the phone, a serious look on his face. “R-really?” Jihoon tried to stall, “What is it?”

 

“It’s called ‘ _ Jihoon is an idiot _ ,’” Jaehwan laughed, “Let’s  _ go _ . It’s so cold out here.”

 

“Yes, but-”

 

“ _ Jihoon _ !” 

 

"Jinyoung needs me," Jihoon coughed.

 

" _Jihoon! Jihoon! Jihoon!_ " Jinyoung was now running up to him. The younger’s eyes were wide and his phone was still in his hands.

 

“Minhyun hyung,” Jinyoung’s voice shook, “He’s in the hospital.”

 

“What?” Jihoon questioned, “Jinyoung what’s happened-“

"I don't know, but a nurse answered the call for him. I don't know if he's severely injured or-"

  
  


 

 

“ _Everybody get in the fucking car_.”

  
  


 

 

A chilling voice echoed into the two boys’ ears, cutting off what Jinyoung was about to say. “What-” Jihoon started, faltering once he met eyes with his brother. You could see the winter storm reflect in Jaehwan’s eyes, dark and cold and thunderous. In a flash, his hyung had gone from a shivering little dumpling to full on serious, as if he was ready to murder a bitch.

 

“I  _ said _ ,” Jaehwan said a little louder, still in a steely voice, “everyone in the  _ fucking _ car.”

 

Jihoon gulped as Jinyoung grabbed the older’s wrist and dragged him to the car.

 

“This wasn’t part of the plan,” Jihoon whispered to Jinyoung as they climbed into the car, which was already moving despite the fact that they hadn’t closed the door yet.

 

“I know,” Jinyoung stared into the distance, “this is bad.” Jihoon couldn’t tell what the boy was thinking.

 

Jaehwan stepped on the accelerator, dangerously hovering above the speed limit. Jihoon could see daggers coming out of Jaehwan’s eyes unto the cars ahead.

 

“Jaehwan hy-”

 

“Don’t speak to me right now,” Jaehwan spat out before Jihoon could even say anything. “Right now,” the oldest muttered, “I  _ need _ to see him.”

 

*

Jaehwan didn’t know what overtook him. It was as if the sun and the other stars were toppling over him, and the world was choking him.

 

_ God, what if he was hurt. What if he had those dirty words all over him. What if he was lying on the hospital bed just like Daniel was. What if he was in unexplicable pain. What if… _

 

_ What if he was dead? _

Jaehwan felt something crawl up his throat and squeeze his chest.  _ God, no _ . Jaehwan stepped on the accelerator.

 

When they arrived to the hospital, Jaehwan rushed out of the car. Admittedly, he hadn’t taken care of the kids first, but he wasn’t so focused on them that time.

 

“What room is Hwang Minhyun in?” Jaehwan gasped as he was running to the front desk.

 

The poor nurse at the front desk almost flinched as she said, “Calm down, sir. What relationship do you have with this patient?”

 

“ _ Do you think I have fucking ti- _ ”

 

“The patient is my brother!” Jinyoung was also out of breath as he halted behind Jaehwan. “I can prove it. This guy is his friend. Please, right now we don’t have time so let us go. At least let him go.” Jinyoung pointed to Jaehwan and practically begged the nurse.

 

The nurse narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but slowly nodded as she tapped something on the keyboard. “Room 1210,” she informed.

 

Then Jaehwan was off again.

 

The elevator- no, he couldn’t wait for the elevator. The stairs. One staircase, two staircases, one jump, two steps. Again and again, just. like. fucking. last. time. Everything around him seemed to blur into one: all white walls and pills and uniforms.

 

He almost tripped as he saw the sign ‘FLOOR 1200.’ He stumbled, reaching for the doors and into the hallway.

 

Room 1210 was the first thing he saw.

 

“HYUNG!” Jaehwan screamed, “HYUNG ARE YOU-”

 

“ _ Hwannie _ ?”

 

-OKAy?” Jaehwan faltered as he finally calmed the fuck down and saw the other boy.

 

Minhyun, in all his glory, was sitting on the hospital,  _ breathing and alive _ . His fox-like eyes widened as he cocked his head. He was in a hospital gown, which had adorable bear mascots spotted all over it. Most importantly, a thick, clean white cast wrapped around Minhyun’s arm. 

 

“Oh my god,” Jaehwan smacked his forehead, “Thank  _ goodness _ .” He felt as if his legs were going to give out underneath him.

 

The other, clearly still shocked (probably because his ex just burst out of nowhere), only repeated, “ _ Hwannie _ ?”

 

“I thought you were dead or something,” Jaehwan whined as he pouted, “Don’t fucking do this my frail heart. I have bad stamina.”

 

“Why,” shock finally left Minhyun’s face and confusion entered, “What are you doing here?”

 

"Oh my god, my heart," Jaehwan caught his breath, "It's running faster than I ever will."

 

"Hwannie?" Minhyun raised his voice a bit higher as he repeated, "What are you doing here?"

 

Jaehwan finally stopped and paused.

 

“Uh.”

 

Jaehwan finally felt full realization hit him. He had barged into his ex’s hospital room.  _ He had barged into his ex’s hospital room _ .  _ Oh shit _ .

 

He coughed awkwardly, “Jinyoung said you were in the hospital so I, uh, you know.”

 

“Huh?” Even more confusion filled Minhyun’s face.

 

“Uh.”  _ Brilliant response, Jaehwan _ . “W-what happened-d to your a-arm?” Jaehwan stammered as he kicked his own foot and tried to change the topic.

 

“This?” Minhyun stared at his cast and muffled a laugh, “I slipped on a puddle.”

 

“Oh.”

 

This was really awkward.

 

“Um, well,” Jaehwan inched towards the other, “I hope you’re okay.” He carefully sat on Minhyun’s bed, trying to avoid the other’s graceful limbs.

 

“I’ve gotten worse,” Minhyun shrugged, as his chin jutted out to point to one of his legs. A harsh scar enveloped his whole calf.

 

Jaehwan could not hold his gasp back in. “What the  _ fuck _ , Minhyun!” Jaehwan yelped, “When did  _ that _ happen?”

 

“What happened to not seeing each other?” Minhyun coolly replied, “Strangers don’t visit each other in the hospital, Jaehwan.”

 

“Stop being a dick,” Jaehwan scowled as he playfully hit Minhyun’s okay arm.

 

Minhyun smiled as he pretended to be hurt by the punch. “Mr. Kim,” he said, “You’re gonna have to listen, for once.”

 

Jaehwan looked down for a second.  _ What was he doing here? _

 

But he finally opened his ears to the sound of the Minhyun’s heart monitor, his hands to the rough cotton of the crumpled blankets, his eyes to the handsome man sitting before him with a cast on his arm.

 

Jaehwan felt the urge to get up and walk right out far away so the older could be safe. He also felt the urge to hug the other tightly until the Earth faded.

 

What would actually protect Minhyun?

 

“I have huge ass goat ears,” Jaehwan sighed, a sparkle entered his eyes, “and they’re listening.”

Minhyun smiled, "Well, what happened with my leg is..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited, pretty short. 
> 
> i'm planning to make a really long last chapter! it's gonna be in a different type of writing style bc it's the special last chapter. ha. i was originally planning to have this whole elaborate love triangle, but i clearly foiled my own plans by going on a heck of a hiatus.
> 
> i know it's pretty short, but i hope you enjoyed! probably going to have this done on the week december ends. *inserts crying meme*
> 
> ilysm and i hope every one of you has a good day!


End file.
